This is just a story I started a few months ago that I am
storing while I erase my computer. I think it is crap but I
may build onto the beginning someday.. I dont have the heart
to throw it out yet cuz I think that if I erased some of it
and started over- basing everything on the first bit it
might turn into a good litle project (perhaps for Writers
My name is Scott Moffatt; I'm here to share some thoughts
about my best friend Pandora Ivy Winter. Panda was
impulsive, irrational, eccentric and unrealistic. Many don't
consider these traits to be appealing, nor endearingbut they
what made her so unique and amazing. If Panda had been
just like the rest of us then she wouldn't of been so
She was passionate about doing what she loved and woudn't
stand to let anybody get in her way. It was her persistance
and extremeness that made her so beautiful to me, although in
all honestly unapealing to some. She chose her own destiny,
to prove to those who discouraged her from enjoying her life
that it was in fact her own life. I don't think Panda
herself, it was everybody else who destroyed her! She left
us with an important message. Nobody can tell you how to
your life, it is in fact yourself who has the last word. No
matter how much you try you can't change people, you can't
squeeze everybody into one mold of so called 'reality',
because reality doesnt exist. We all live in our own
blurs of worlds, and nobody has the right to take us away
from them. Don't test people, or pretend to control them,
inevitably it is them who has the ultimate power. Panda's
short life may seem like a waste or tragedy to some but I
want to say that she inspired me and saved mine. I hope she
is finally able to rest in peace now that she has escaped the
tyranny and chastisments of earth.
A sleepy girl tossled in her bed as the morning light shone
through the crack in the curtains and burned her eyes. She
to block out the glow by shielding her face with her arm, but
the ray expanded and eventually she was unable to avoid it
longer. The girl rose from her bed while pushing away locks
of messy hair from her face and walked over to the window
and violently pushed the curtains together, allowing no light
to pass through. She stumbled over to her dresser and
on a lamp, which spread its dull glow throughout the room.
She studdied herself in the mirror for a few seconds. She
dark streaks that ran down from her eyes to her chin; last
night's chemical reaction that had occured between her
and tears. She hatefully grabbed at he lamp, returning the
room to the sullen but comforting darkness. She made her way
to the bathroom to wash away the incriminating streaks that
proved her weakness and vulnerability.
A little later a different girl emerged from the bathroom.
She was very pretty and elegant. Her long dark hair was
into a high messy bun, her face was pale but tinted with
makeup. She had changed out of her pyjamas and into a sleek
black skirt, maroon top and black mesh cardigan sweater. She
walked confidently in her fashionable tall black platform
boots. The sad girl had disguised herself masterfully.
"Pandora?" a voice with a heavy Italian accent yelled from
somwhere in the house. "Are you ready to go?"
The girl walked into her bedroom and picked up two large
suitcases. She took a look around and promptly left the
struggling until she was able to balance the overweighted
bags in her hands. She caredully walked down the hall to the
"Pandora! Hurry up!" the voice called once more. "You are
going to miss the bus."
Without uttering a reply the girl descended the staircase.
Her bags practically squeezed her to death as she tried to
proudly and seemingly with ease. She made it to the bottom,
and remained clam and collected while a frantic woman rushed
to her side, grabbing one of the bags and quickly ushering
her out the front door.
Outside there was a taxi waiting. The girl was shuffled
towards it and before being stuffed in she sullenly asked the
housekeeper about her mother. "Hanna, where's Mom?"
"She left this morning, I don't know where she went dear."
Hanna replied sadly, embracing the girl in a sympathetic hug.
Moments later the taxi sped away, the young girl looked
longingly, but not regrettingly out the window at her New
home. She watched the building fade into the distance,
making up her mind to leave all it's memories there forever.
The bus to Calgary was crowded, hot and uncomfortable.
Pandora slumped down into her window seat carefully avoiding
any contact with the rather large and sweaty old man seated
beside her who was rattling the vehicle with wheezy asthmatic
snores. She picked up her discman and carefully placed the
headphones over her ears. It's going to be a long ride. The
soothing sounds of music filled her ears as she began to
drift away into a world of memories.
"For the millionth time Pandora! As long as you
are living under this roof you are not going to go to the
"I'm sick of taking all this crap from you mom! There's
nothing satanic or evil about Kitty. They are just a group
of cool girls who dress
differently and like to have fun. Im 17, and don't you
think it's a bit late to be worried about me? I don't have
to live here! I can go live with
"Fine, but when you get into an argument with
your father don't think you can escape by coming back here!"
"I wont!" Wait, I didn't mean
it mom! I wasn't serious...
I don't know how I get into these messes. I just dont think
before I speak sometimes, I cant help it! I just get so
frustrated. I didn't mean to be so blunt... I can't stand
her with a passion sometimes; I didn't want to actually leave
though. But here I am, on the bus to Calgary to live with my
dad whom I havn't visited for about 5 years. This will be
interesting, to positively say the least. Pandora thought,
while a lone tear flooded her eye.
She snapped out of the trance quickly as she felt something
bang up against her. Opening her eyes she realised that the
had stopped letting some of the passengers off, and allowing
others to board. The old man with the wheezy snore had left
and his seat was filled by a teenage boy. It had been his
backpack that had lightly skimmed her arm.
"Hi" he greeted "Sorry about that...".
Pandora turned away from him as the genuinely appologetic
words sank in. She closed her eyes tight in trying to forget
about the boy sitting side her.
"Hey" he spoke again. "Whats wrong?"
His voice remained at the same tone as before; angellic.
Pandora lifted her earphones to her ears and cranked up the
volume, hoping that he would get the hint. She didnt want to
talk to anybody, especially not somebody who she might not
be able to help falling for.
The boy studdied her for a few minutes. He noticed that she
had been crying and he noticed the scars covering her arms.
He had just about decided to leave her alone, afterall he
would never see her again. What's the point of trying to be
friendly? Whats the point of trying to help somebody if they
dont want help? He noticed that she had a Calgary bus pass
her carry on bag; the same place he was headed. That bit of
information gave him the insentive to reach over and
lift the earphones off of Pandora's head.
She abruptly turned around and looked at the boy. He was
good looking, a bit of a prep though. "Do you mind?" she
blurted angrily as she went to grab the earhones from his
hand. He was too quick, and she missed as he slightly moved
arm. "What is your problem?" she demanded.
"Tell me yours first" he challenged casually, tossing a grin
that would make almost any girl melt. He had her attention
he held onto it. "Whats wrong?" he asked again.
"Why do you care? You're a complete freak! I don't even
"Maybe the fact that I'm a complete stranger is better.
Anyways, we could get to know eachother."
"I'll pass" she answered, finally being able to grab the
earphones from his hand.
"Why were you crying?"
"None of your buisness Dick."
"It's Darrell... um Ashley? Sarah? Amber?"
Realizing that he would probably go on forever until he came
to her name (which he probably never would have) she
sighed, putting an end to the guessing game. "It's Panda.
I'm tired ok, please just leave me alone."
"Ok" he surrendered. "I wont keep pestering you. I just
wanted to see if you needed somebody to talk to. I'm going
here for the next 15 hours so..."
"Yeah, I got ya." she replied turning around once again. Oh,
I would just love to start talking and pour my heart out to
him. He seems like such a nice guy. But... I just can't. He
seems so nice though, too nice. But if I start talking to
fall for him... and I don't want to get hurt again by a
stupid guy. It's better if I ignore him. It wasn't long
drifted away once more...
"I don't want to see that
boy ever again!"
"Mom... it's not that big of a
deal. You don't understand."
"I caught you up in your room smoking
pot with Jack... what don't I understand?"
You don't understand that I started smoking before I met him
Mom! But like I can tell you that. If youd just liten to me
than maybe you would
have a clue or two about my life! But you make everything
into such a big deal, I cant talk to you about anything. Why
can't I just stand up to
you like an everybody else...
Why I let you scare me?
Tears began to well up in Pandora's eyes again. She awoke
and gazed around. It was pitch black out andDarrell was
asleep along with the rest of the bus. Her back was sore
from remaining curled up for so long. She streched out and
unawaringly layed her head on Darrell's shoulder. She wiped
away the tears from her eyes and tried to go back to sleep.
Darrell must have awaken when she changed positions because
he calmly brought his hand up to her head and stroked it.
The tears didn't stop, they started to pour out more quickly.
Feeling hopless and lost she burried her face in Darrell's
sweater... and fell asleep.
The Morning light shone in through the bus windows. Pandora
began to stir for the first time since she last fell asleep.
opened her eyes and sat up. She looked out the window and
let the bright sunlight beat down on her face. She brushed a
few wisps of loose hair off her face and smiled. The ride
would be over soon, and she was ready for whatever was coming
her way. She peeked over at Darrell who was still asleep and
nudged him, causing him to stir. His tired eyes came into
contact with her bright shining ones.
"Sleep well?" he asked coyley.
"That's good. Well, we are almost in Calgary... Is there
someway I could reach you?"
"I don't know a phone number or anything off hand... I
suppose you could e-mail me. [email protected]"
"Ok, I will." he replied, jotting down the address and then
reaching for her hand. She hesitated but .gave it to him.
sat together in silence for the half hour ride to the bus
With a quick goodbye they both stepped off the bus and set
off to explore the new surroundings. Pandora headed right,
Darrell headed left.
I walked over to a bench outside of the station and plopped
myself down with my bags. I dug deep into my bookbag and
pulled out my cell and address book. I was supposed to call
Dad when the bus got in and have him pick me up. I dialled
the number and listened as the phone rang, and rang and rang.
Finally, after about the 20th ring somebody picked up.
"Hello?" came an unfamiliar voice.
"Hi, who is this? I think I have the wrong number. Is Peter
Winter there?" I asked, dumbfounded. As far as I knew, Dad
"This is Josh. You called my line instead of your Dad's."
the voice replied casually. "Anyways, I'm supposed to tell
that your dad is on his way. He's driving the black Benz
convertable... it's one of a kind so you shouldn't miss it."
"Who are you?" I asked, totally confused.
"I'm Josh... hang on, I've got another call." he said,
without giving me a chance to protest.
I waited on the line for about two minutes before my battery
died. Damn, I knew I should have charged it longer! Who
the heck is Josh? And why does he live with dad? And why
does he have his own line? And dad drives a Mercedes Benz?
What the hell is going on here?
About fifteen minutes later I heard the familiar voice of my
father, "Pandora?" I turned around and saw him walking over
me. He looked different than I remembered. He wasnt much
older or fatter or anything... he just didn't appear to be
same person I once knew so well. "Hi Honey" he greeted
Honey? Oh geeze..."Hi Dad" I replied, attempting to create
an enthusiastic tone. He picked me up and embraced me in a
slightly too tight hug. I can't breathe!
"Come on, let's get these bags to the car!" He suggested,
reaching out to lift one. "Bricks huh?" he sputtered,
both suitcases awkwardly.
When we reached the car I wasnt sure what to say. The
convertable was gorgeous. Way cooler than mom's old Ford
truck. Dad must have done well for himself since he left us.
I wonder what the house is like! We started to drive away,
the radio cranked and the roof down. This is awesome!
"Dad," I inquired anxiously "who is Josh? He picked up the
phone when I called the house..." An uncomfortable
expression washed over his face but then as quickly as it
dissapeared. I guess he is good at controlling his emotions;
he is a shrink afterall.
"Um" he began, clearly having difficulty deciding what to
say, which was quite unusual for him. "When your mother and
got divorced I started to date Nastina... Recently she and
her son Josh moved in to live with me. Panda, we're going to
I didn't know what to say or how to respond so I didn't say
anything. I was totally shocked, how is it that I knew
"I'm sure you will just love Nastina and Josh. He's the same
age as you, 17. If you haddn't of decided to come so
suddenly I would have warned you and talked it over. I
wanted to see you though Panda, so I decided not to say
that may dissuade you from coming. Im sorry, I really
shouldnt have done that to you."
The lies begin already. Is this what it's going to be like
living here? Lies, lies, lies! "It's ok" I assured,
although I wasnt
sure if I meant it. We didnt say much else to eachother for
the rest of the ten minute drive. I was awe-struck when we
reached the house just outside of the city. It was huge, dad
deffinitely had to be loaded!
"I'm already late for a meeting Pumpkin" Dad said to me
appologetically, "Josh should be home, get him to show you
Oh, I see. He's one of those fathers who is always too busy
to spend time with his kids... obsessed with work. I got out
of the car and lugged my bags up to the house. When I
stepped inside it was just like a scene from a movie. I felt
place, the marble floors and oak walls made me uncomfortable.
This was an extremely different atmosphere that I was used
to. In NY mom and I lived in an old rustic three bedroom
house. "Hello?" I called out, my voice echoing through the
enterance. Nobody answered or appeared so I set down my bags
and decided to do a bit of exploring myself. I walked into
the den I guess, and stumbled upon a group of guys lounging
around, watching TV. "Josh?" I asked.
"Hi" one of the boys greeted. I assumed it was Josh. I
caught myself thinking about how hot he was but had to shake
myself out of it!
Panda! Stop it, you are like related to
"Where should I put my stuff? Where is my room?"
The boy got up and jumped over the couch which he had been
lying on to me. "Come, on I'll take you on a quick tour
Pandora. By the way, these guys are our neighbours, Scott and
"Hey" they both greated in unison. "You'll get used to us,
we pretty much live over here" laughed Scott.
Then Josh whispered to me, "He's serious you know."
"Hi... bye" I said to them as I was being shuffled out of the
room by an overzealous step-brother. Josh gave me a tour. My
room was connected to his through a shared bathroom. I
immediately envisioned problems with the set up. Dad's
was also attached to the house. Josh warned me not to go to
close to that area because there are a lot of scary people.
thought he was being funny, but his expression remained
serious.. I made a mental note not to test him on that one.
"Hey, I'm going out for supper tonight with friends. Why
dont you come along. It will be good chance to meet the
"Okay" I accepted somewhat unsurely.
Pandora had finished unpacking her suitcases and with a sigh
she plopped herself down on the bed. She grabbed the
remote and flipped on the stereo fing the room with the
sultry sounds of Fionna Apple.
In my room, staring at the ceiling,
I'm twisted by these feelings around me...
For the first time since her arrival at the house, thoughts
of Darrell the boy she had met on the bus began flooding into
head. I've never felt so cared about before. He was just so
genuine, he didn't dismiss me like everybody else. I
feel like he cared, I've never had anybody care about me
Will my thoughts help me
find a cure?
"Josh?" I called while I was walking over to his room. His
door was slightly ajar and I poked my head in. He was sitting
his computer, playing a game or something. I opened the door
and timidely entered. "Hey, Josh?"
I must have scared him, he jumped out of his seat and spun
around to see me. "Yeah, whats up?"
"I was thinking about tonight, and I've changed my mind. I
don't want to go out for supper tonight."
"Oh.. alright" he said with a hint dissapointment in his
"Im just tired and.. not tonight okay? Maybe another night."
I turned around to heabck to my bedroom when he said my
name. I turned around to see what he wanted.
"Are you okay?"
I dont know... "Yes, I'm fine Josh" I laughed, trying to make
everything sound alright. Truthfully I wasnt sure if I was
alright. I just felt like breaking down and crying; for no
reason. I was spiralling downwards once more. I didnt give
chance to respond. I abrubty left the room and ran down the
hall back to the serenity of my bedroom. I dug though my
belongings and found my box. It was a simple looking tin box
with a lock. Inside was my life. I id my personal poems,