Cosmic Rain
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2001-11-19 08:33:50 (UTC)

Inside A Fish Tank

"...Sun silently slips through overcast shadows of day as
the rain bleeds into earths soul beckoning new life to come
out to play..."

You sometimes just disappear without a word and I wonder
why I wait, why I stay here...What keeps me...Sometimes I
can't even explain it to myself, so how can I expect anyone
that knows to understand it or me or her or anything...So I
don't...Sometimes I just don't explain it or say anything,
because it's too hard. So I withdraw...Fight my own bouts
of depression and sadness and wait for your return and then
the sun comes back. It's just something I must do and maybe
no one will ever understand it and I would never ask anyone
to, just love is funny like that. And sometimes I feel no
worse off than the others in relationships that are more
real, but no better. No more concrete, glowing or dizzy
with happiness. And once, when I shouldn't have, but I did
I found some of the dizzy, glowing light and it felt very
real for a time and it made me smile not so secretly to
oneself, but it was coated in untouchable oils that slipped
on by...And I still think about it...

"...No, I was never lost, cause I could see where I wanted
to be...I just went around in circles in moments of
weakness and uncertainty..."

i am a cactus, i am a cactus
I like a dancing very much.
i am a cactus, i am a cactus
just be careful if you touch!

I read that in someones diary last night of name I now do
not recall and it made me laugh. Reminds me of silly little
ditty's I used to make up. Like..

I am not a clam
I am not a ham
I am what I am

What sort of thinking leads to such insane ramblings I have
not a clue..I guess as long as I am writing that is a good
thing..Mostly silly and Cosmicly...But still writing..And
currently over joyous I have found new music..

"...Moving shadows in the shape of what you want to see
Painted fingers and the aromatic Jean Nate..And when
they're spinning you can see them do the strangest things
Building bridges from the slivers of another's dream..."
~"Raining On the Sky ~Naked

And wow, now yahoo lets me talk like I'm in a
fishtank..Anyway, I need to do that get ready for squash
thing that I'm so accustomed to on Monday nights..