Unholy and Dirty and Beautiful Me
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2001-11-19 04:19:40 (UTC)

A tough week behind me....

This week has been tough. My selfish ramblings regarding
my "love" life may have got you thinking that there's
nothing else on my mind. Well, do read on...

On Tuesday I took my best friend S to get an abortion. This
was her second one. I'm not big on the issue, my opinion is
that sometimes there's no other choice, the procedure is an
emergency solution to a possible problem...I'm beginning to
wonder if S sees it as a secondary method of birth control.
I mean, how could anyone get "accidentally" pregnant
TWICE!?! But I love S & I wanted to be supportive, I'd do
anything for her....I guess I know this now. I cried when I
left her @ the really got to me....knowing
that if that child had been born I'd probably have been
it's "Godmother". But no, I helped her dispose of it...I
was torn, guilt-ridden and a bit ashamed. I dealt with it
on my own terms & managed to go back to pick her up after.
This has affected me in a strange way. I'm still upset, but
I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it.

My cousin D is going back to jail. He keeps screwing up,
now he's an adult & will be tried as one. The guy never
learns & it breaks my heart every time. The vicious cycle
continues...each time he gets out he goes & gets a job then
loses it/quits it & goes straight back to
lying/stealing/whatever and ends up back in jail. We've
been close all of our lives, he's like a brother to me. I
can't believe it's going to be another Christmas without
him there.

Just a few outside problems I guess....not mine really, but
they do upset me.