princesse

love

why do we love who we love? why do i always find someone to
love and they wind up treating me badly? the stupid thing
is that i keep going back, i dont walk away. i need to. all
my friends know i should leave him, even he knows i should
leave him, but i just cant. i love him, and i need him.
what scares me the most is that he knows i will never leave
him. he knows no matter how badly he treats me, i will
always be his. i need to realize what he does is not
normal. im being used. no matter how many times he tells me
he loves me, i know im just being uses. but what can i do?
we broke up in june, and now have this great friendship,
but whenever we are together, something happens. its not
fair to either of us to do that. we need to move on. but we
really are meant to be together as sick as taht sounds. im
what makes him whole, and hes what makes me whole. but we
are 17, and that is to young to know what life with bring
you. i just wish it wasnt so hard all the time. i wish i
could just sit back and relax, take a break, go away for
awhile and just look at myself from another point of view.
i wish i could make everyone happy, and i try my hardest,
but it always makes me turn out worse. i help people, i
listen to people, im their for people, but when i need
someone to talk to, i cant ask for help. im crazy i think.
maybe someday i will look back on this and laugh. maybe
someday i will look back on it and cry. but either way i
think its good to learn from mistakes. i just wish i knew
what was going to happen. i dont know, and i never will
know...that is the sick joke called life. im glad to live
it. ive loved before, and ive lost love before. but never
has it affected me this deeply. my parents dont know how
much i really do love him and need him. they dont
understand that i cant live without him. half the time i
just want to kiss him and hug him, but they other times i
just want to push him away. i guess i could blame it on
being a hormonal 17 year old girl, i could blame it on my
overly caring heart, i could blame it on my upbringing. but
i think that i will just accept all the blame for myself
this time. that is part of growing up. accepting your own
mistakes, npt making excuses.