sweetaddiction

~*~*~*~
2001-11-19 00:57:33 (UTC)

iwanttobeviolent

this wasnt supposed to be you.
this was supposed to be me.
a beautiful girl.
a beautiful girl that i love.
we parted ways because of choices.
choices that i made.
choices that fucked me up.
and now...
now im okay.
and you know.
yeah.
this so was not fuckign supposed to be you.
you always told me that you were strong.
and that you could take care of yourself.
and i listened to you.
time and drugs and sex and love
and you know
we have always been okay.
and we will always be okay.
because you are my bestfriend.
you are so important to me.
and this is not what i wanted for you.
its all so fucked up.
and i knew
and i know
and i knew that it would be like this.
i fucking did.
and there was nothing
nothing i could fucking do.
but love you.
and fucking babe
i fucking have
and i fucking do
and id give up everything for you.
but you know yeah
there is nothing that i can do about this.
nothing.
i cant FUCKING do anything.
and i fucking hate it.
all the other times.
i could fix thigns.
and i fucking cant.
i just have to sit here
and fucking wait.
and wait
and fucking try not to cry in front of you.
make stupid jokes
and tell you that everything will be okay.
but you know.
i dont know that.
you tell me how strong i am.
have been.
and you know.
i am not strong when it comes to you.
im not.
i cant deal without you.
i cant fucking do this.
i fucking cant.
and theres NOTHIGN i can do.
nothing
nothingthingotihinth
NOTHING.
i just want to make it better.
and patting your head doesnt help this shit.
this is fucking real.
and everythig that is fucking real in this world to me
all of it
its all fucking bad shit.
the happy shit doesnt make me feel alive
what the fuck
i just want to know why.
and i KNOW i know that its what happens.
and you know.
i KNOW thats why i was so fucking safe these past few of
years.
but you wont be able to deal with this.
how the fuck could you.
you know.
youre so beautiful.
and youre so fucking young.
and i dont know what to do.
i feel like breaking things
i feel like screaming
i feel like driving fast
just fucking not you.
not fucking you.
you.
god fucking damnit man
fucking no.
fucking not this.
and not you.
why
and what happens you know;
what will you do.
and how the fuck can i do anything
i fuckign cant do anything.
nothing.
i cant do anything.
anythign at all.
just not to fucking you.
i dont think i can handle this
what the fuck else dude.
what the FUCK else is going to happen.
because i cant
i just cant
you were supposed to live the happy fucking perfect life
and III was the one who was supposed to be the fuck up.
you know.
i fucking was.
and maybe i put the idea in your head.
maybe somehow i influenced you.
i just dont understand.
you were supposed to always be beautiful...
in every single way.
and for me.
nothing will ever change that image.
but you have already done so much.
and this..
im scared.
im so fucking scared.
i dont know how you could deal with this.
and if you dont deal.
god




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