marinabreeze

as the Oval turns
2001-11-18 23:53:34 (UTC)

Pathetic

Song in My Head - Jennifer Knapp "Usher Me Down"

The other day we had our same-sex discipleship groups for
IV, and that was cool. We were talking about our identity
being in Christ, which was awesome...but I think I was
having a moody PMS kind of day, so I think that for that day
I regressed from what God's been doing in terms of my
self-image, faith in what God will do, and getting away from
being so emotionally attached to the situation with Pacey.
First of all, I really felt self-conscious b/c I was having
a bummy clothing day when everyone else was having an
Express day. Worse yet, after our discipleship, we joined
up with some of the guys, and we hung out in the Union, b/c
they had a lot of stuff going on that night. So, Pacey
popped up with one of the Giggly Chicks, and they looked
like they were -together-, not just b/c they came together,
but b/c they looked like they were bf/gf. That touched a
nerve and I don't know why. I wanted to cry...not b/c "oh
Pacey would be taken now" but b/c I would've hated to see
him hooked up when I'm not and I haven't since I broke up
with Bud, which is around the same time Pacey's last gf
broke up with him. But normally I wouldn't give two craps
to the wind...so that sucked. So then we went to the bar,
where they were having karaoke night, so I decided to sing
even though I can't sing for crap. So I was singing, and
most of my friends were paying attention, but Pacey was
watching the pool table and I didn't think that he even
realized I was singing, so I was really upset about that and
after I sang, I really wanted to go home. But Pacey left
before I did and as he passed by he was like "good job
Jaye." Great...I doubt he would've known I sang unless
someone went and told him. So I was upset, Jenna said I was
overreacting, so I slept on my PMS, and I felt better the
next morning.

Yesterday morning, I helped to take some of our residents to
the pregame show with the marching band. That was okay,
though I was tired and that sucked to be up at 7:30 in the
morning. So after that, I went to the stadium, it was about
50 minutes early, so I took my time getting to my seats, so
I killed 15 minutes before I made it to the seats.
Surprisingly, Pacey was there, and come to find out, he went
to the pregame show and I guess he thought he'd see me there
or something to that effect, but I guess not. So at the
game it was me, Pacey, Bill, HG, and one of the Giggly
Chicks, "Carrie." So I sat between Carrie and Pacey, and
that was interesting. Carrie is one of the more mellow of
the Gigglies, she's really sweet. So when we'd score or get
scored on, Carrie would be like "yea" or "awww," but all
chilled out and mellow...she wasn't particularly pumped over
much of anything. So after the game, which we lost, I went
to the Union to eat with Pacey and HG, and that was cool b/c
I was talking to HG about affirmative action, while Pacey
was picking out all the hot peppers from his chicken from
the chinese food place...it was such a waste of perfectly
good peppers:) So afterwards, Pacey and I walked back to
our places, and I made a joking comment about winning either
way when OSU plays Michigan. In real life, I'm going to
cheer for OSU, b/c although I'm from Michigan and I grew up
watching them, OSU is my school, and I think I've been in
Ohio too long, so I've become a for-real Buckeye. But I was
just making a stupid comment I didn't even mean, and Pacey
almost ate me alive for it, "You're not a real Buckeye, blah
blah blah, I'd have more respect for you if you root for
Michigan than if you do that, blah blah blah," he was
seriously pissed. Man...that's one thing that is Pacey's
good and bad trait at the same time...he likes sports,
including football, and he has passion when he watches it,
but he takes it too damn seriously, like it's going to
really make a difference if I didn't commit to a team. He's
so stupid sometimes...I can't believe sometimes that he's
going to be 22 in a month and a half...yes, 22 years old.
He's such an idiot sometimes.