buttrubbinkitte

pathetic

its been a while since i last wrote.. nothing much
happening.. scotts now officially out of a job.. sadness..
hes very stressed out and depressed which means that i am
too.. got to talk to a friend from high school the other
day.. leah.. kinda nice.. shes coming to visit me on
friday.. should be fun.. scott and i had the apartment to
ourselves today.. watched the animal.. and later are going
to watch swordfish.. fixed him some dinner.. fogot what it
was called.. nothing too exciting .. just some pasta with
chicken and sauce .. but it turned out good after i threw
some spices in it.. forgot the kind of pasta we had too..
hehe.. something italian.. had potatoes in it.. yumm.. i
love potatoes with sourcream.. good stuff.. cassie is
coming over for a bit today.. isnt staying too long cause
her g/f is supposed to be calling her at some point tonight
and scott and i want to use as much as the piece and quiet
as we can since it doesnt happen very often.. im pretty
poor at the moment and was in desperate need of a hair cut
so brilliant me asked scott to do it.. someone who has
never cut anyones hair before.. very scary but he did a
pretty good job.. cant complain too much.. but its sooo
short now.. not really but it does seem that way.. not too
worried though.. hair grows back.. however if he took out a
big chunck that would be a different story...
going back a little ... i did a lot of thinking when i got
off the phone with leah.. kinda upset me but i guess its
all the truth.. im not working right now for various
reasons.. and although my reasons seem good to me i guess
they sound pathetic to others.. and i just kept asking
myself is this how others see me.. i dont have a job..
which is and isnt my fault for reasons i wont get into..
but i dont go to school either which is my own fault..
cause i went for two semesters and dropped out.. so i guess
that does put me in the category of pathetic.. and i try to
explain to people how stressful my life is but again just
seems pathetic when i tell other people.. they dont see how
my life could be so stressful since i dont have a job and i
dont go to school.. i guess unless you live in my shoes you
will never know.. so many thoughts going through my head..
im scared.. scared of what the future holds for me.. or
even worse what it doesnt hold..