MorrisseyxAngel

Fish 'n Chips
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2001-11-18 13:42:27 (UTC)

Give it up Megan

I really should just give up. It's not like I dont know it.
It's going to be hard though. I have trouble sleeping just
because I wake up and sit there thinking about it. He
promised me the world...and it wasn't even that big of a
deal. What he promised me, that is. He said he'd always be
there if I was there for him. I was there for him, he
wasn't there for me. He said he'd "ALWAYS love me". He
doesn't. He told me we'd get older and live together and
eventually get married, and I believed him. He said he'd
take care of me, and I believed him. I don't have anything
once again. No one to care, no one to make me better when
I'm feeling sad, no one to run their fingers down my face,
no one to rock me, no one to look in my eyes and tell me
they love me. There could be someone that would do it...but
I wouldn't care. It's not the same. "I'll never be the guy
you want me to be Megan. You need to find someone who
deserves you." What the fuck? He always tells me things
like that, about how he doesn't love me even half as much
anymore...because of the fights. [but he still calls me
wanting to hang out??] Yet when we have a fight, and I
apologize and try to talk about it...he just sits there
being pissed off and refuses to apologize because he "does
it too much." He NEVER apologizes, for anything.

I just wish I had my old Thomaz back. It makes me have this
feeling that I've never felt before. It hurts. Emotionally
and physically. Maybe he loves someone else? I'll never
know. I hate thinking about him with someone else. I guess
it's because I still love him, despite all the reasons why
I shouldn't. I hate the thought of another girl getting to
kiss him, another girl getting to be called "babe"
and "hun" and all the cute things he called me that he
doesn't anymore, another girl getting to make love to him.
Oh god. That one is the worst. I know it will happen soon
though, really soon...and I guess I'll just have to sit
there and try my hardest to pretend it doesn't bother me.
We won't be together, why should it bother me? He obviously
wouldn't give a shit about me if he went on to another girl
quickly...so I'll let everyone think I'm strong. Or maybe
I'll get lucky and I'll BE strong. Or maybe I'll find
someone too. Who knows what will happen.

No...I know what I wish. I wish there was ONE thing that
would fix this all. I wish it existed, or if somehow it
does, I wish he knew what it was and would tell me. I wish
I could fix it and things would be alright. But...I need to
get out of my fantasy world, huh?

-Megan
*********************************

The first time we made love
I wasn't sober
and you told me you loved me
over and over
How could I ever love another
When I miss you every day
Remember the time we made love in the roses?
and you took my picture in all sorts of poses
How could I ever get over you
when I'd give my life for yours


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