Pink Flowers

Pink Flowers
2001-11-18 01:49:27 (UTC)

A Lost Cause

William, Brandon, Anthony, David, Kyle.......all names.
All names that weigh very heavily in my heart!(I know that
has to sound so queir!) I've been hurt by them
all.....either directly or indirectly. I wonder if any of
them even care. I doubt it.....but damnit I wish I could
reach that point that I didn't care any more. I wish I
could become numb. Why do I even try? There will always
be someone better then me..... I honestly can say that I
don't think that there is a person for me.....and I guess
that I am at that point at my life where I am trying to
deal with it. I still find myself sad about this
discovery, but I'll get over it eventually......I hope. I
really hope I will get over this all soon becaus I am
starting to let my feelings show! I can't help but be
jelous of my friends (which I will get to the topic of
friends later) when they talk about their new found
infatuations or their blosseming loves. Jesus this is so
gay! The only thing that I can't cope with is that I also
do think that I am better than some of these friends. I
mean I may not be as physically attractive....but I am
intelligent. That statement is kind of ironic in itself
considering that no one thinks I am smart at all. In fact
most people refer to me as a dumb blonde. But I am
digressing fronm what my main purpose of this entry. I
know that I truely want to become independently successful
in life and I honestly think that I can reach that goal.
To me working hard at gaining knowlage compared to playing
sports is a lot more stress free and almost my outlet.
Maybe one day my life will come together and I won't drive
myself crazy with all of these insane problems that I
create for myself. I am drowing in my mind....one day I
may not be able to breath!