Sleeping with the lights on
2001-11-18 00:13:44 (UTC)

My Entry

oops..I forgot my cigarette isn't out ..hold
.................Okay..sorry about that. It's not like
anybody cares what I'm writting anyways! And I can spell
writing wrong and nobody can say anything! lol..
Okay..I'm gonna be serious now. It's just that I'm pretty
high right now. I hope no narcs read this. lol.
I love System of a down!! I'm listening to them right now
and it's like wow. I like them so much because you can feel
the meaning in their words. Like, the way they sing is so
cool because there is meaning there. I think about my dad
alot when I hear SOTD. "Why have you forsaken me?" I think
of how my dad's never here for me. I love my dad so much,
and I try to pretend that I don't care about my dad never
being here for me. It really sucks because he's never been
there. I have a step dad, but it's not the same. I love him
like my own father, because he's the only father figure I've
had. Besides the guy who sends me birthday cards 2 weeks
late with 5 bucks in it. The guy who doesn't remember how
old you are, how could he though? When he doesn't care about
us except for when WE go see HIM.
My rents split up because my dad was such a big alcoholic. I
always wondered what it was like to have my own parents
together. If Al really was my real dad..and I didn't even
know Fred(my real dad). Real..that's right. I used to say,
if my dad doesn't care about us now, then why did he even
bother fucking my mom to have us. Me and my brothers have
always had a close bond because it was really hard for us to
grow up. Most people aren't thankful for their parents like
they should be. My friend Anna is so thankful for
hers..that's one of the reasons I love her so much.
I often wonder what a close relationship with him would be
like. What if he would actually call us, isn't of having
Steve deliver messages for him.
Steve's my older brother, who lives with my step mom. She
kicks ass!! He called today and was like, "Oh by the way,
Dad wants to know what you want for Christmas." I was like,
wow..he can't even call and ask himself..Man, FUCK HIM. I
just hope before he dies..he knows how much I do love him.

"Why can't you see that you ARE MY CHILD?? Why don't you
I AM YOURS!!Take this promise til the end of you!!"