Faerie Onyx

Changes

I think I'm changing. Recently I've been wearing more
bright colors, and today I'm wearing no black whatsoever,
but I'm so depressed that I feel like I should be wearing
black. I just don't want anyone who knows me to know how
I'm feeling right now. I was so happy two weeks ago. What
happened? Why do things have to change? I was happier
than I am now when I was completely gothic. I don't know
what's going on with me lately. It's as if all of the
happiness I knew just disappeared with my black clothes. I
liked myself better then too. It just seems like things
have changed beyond repair. I want to just start wearing
black again, but I am just feeling like it won't be the
same. I just don't know what's going on with me. Even the
smallest things seem to anger me or depress me. My mom's
going to be taking me back to a psychiatrist a lot again.
I know that it won't help. Nothing helps me cope with
these feelings that are inside of me. I thought things
were getting better. But once things get better, there's
only one place they can go. Down. Then I find myself
worse off than I began. People always tell me that
everything will get better, but everytime things do get
better I am happy, and then once I lose whatever it is that
makes me happy, I get so depressed knowing that I was the
one who messed things up, and I can't blame anyone but
myself for anything that's wrong in my life. I mean, I
could try, but inside I would know that I was being unfair
to them.
~Faerie