eidolon

shifting mists
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2001-11-17 19:56:24 (UTC)

i make lists ...

.. i've often been asked why i seem to always be taking notes ...
always writing things down ... people often comment on
how 'organized' i seem ... and in the past i have always chuckled and
shrugged it off ... knowing the 'real truth' deep inside .... but
recently the topic was brought to my attention again and it really
made me think about my actions and the way i do things ... i began to
contemplate the reasons why i do this ... cuz what i'm really doing
when taking those 'notes' is ... well ... making lists ...

... i am now beginning to understand why it is that i'm a 'list
maker' ... and it seems that organization is only a side effect ... a
good one .. but still - a side effect .... because for me lists serve
many vital purposes that help me function in life .... i have always
been that way, and sometimes it is difficult for me to imagine or
understand how people can function without them .... though i am
aware that many, ManY people do ....

... i keep lists because they're like a lifeline for me ... a safety
net ... they help me to measure out and analyze my goals, my duties,
my priorities, my environment, et al ... they provide a solid base
structure behind my actions ... they help me to structure and manage
my time .. and i do this more and more when i am feeling rushed or
stressed ... when life becomes extremely heavy and/or full ...

... another reason i keep lists is due to the way that my mind
functions ... my mind is not linear .. instead my thoughts move in a
clockwise spiral, (you should see when i take notes in class, etc.),
yet in the physical world that is not an efficient way of getting
things done ... lists give me the ability to take that clockwise
spiral and straighten it out into sensible linear plans ... it feels
almost like giving a bit of order to the disorder/chaos in my mind
because these two patterns are so drastically different ...

... also, my mind and it's attention span move much faster than i
do ... because of this i very quickly and easily forget things ... i
quite often forgetting things when i'm trying not to, or even when
whatever i am trying to remember is extremely important ...

... it's always been this way for me ... lists keep me 'on track' ...
they are an integral part of how i function in life ... i've often
wondered how i'd possibly be able to survive without a pen/cil and
paper .... the truth is ... i'm not sure that i could ...

.. inspired by foster at SOI ..


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