Unholy and Dirty and Beautiful Me
2001-11-17 19:21:32 (UTC)

Sticking to it.

Okay, I have come to a decision...I'm sticking to J. & I'm
not going to see M unless it's just a friendly
funny stuff I PROMISE!

I didn't tell J about kissing M, but I learned that in one
week one little mistake like that caused me sooo much
stress, confusion and guilt that there is no way I could
keep something like that ongoing....I'm not saying that I
don't still feel guilty but I can put it behind me and
chalk it up to a learning experience.

J & I had a talk about things.....I told him that I felt
like something wasn't right between us and that though I
don't want to end it, something has to change. J apologized
for being distant lately and told me that he really wants
things to work out. So....I guess we'll both have to work a
bit harder & try to keep the flame roaring. I know I can't
expect things to be perfect, and it's not that I want to
see him & talk to him EVERY DAY...I just need to know that
things are good when we are together & when we are not. I
have to feel confident about this. Right now I do...I want
it to always be this way.

M did call me, btw...but he didn't ask about getting
together and he hasn't called since. I think he may have
been turned off by the fact that I am involved with someone
else & wouldn't make a decision about seeing him right
away. That's fine with me if he doesn't call again, it will
help me stay out of trouble really though, IF I saw
him again I'm sure I could keep my cool and be a good

Anyways, that's my story...thanks to everyone who gave me
feedback on this issue (except the person who called me a
stupid whore....that was mean)...keep reading & I'll read
your's too :)