Deftoneschick1486

its been a while

its been a while since i wrote... a ton of shit has
happened but lets not get into that.... i dont kno wat to
write about.. i dont kno my emotions rite now... its 11:15
am on saturday... last nite i ate a whole bowl of jello....
uck it was disgusting..oh well.... i dont kno... lifes a
let down lately.... its the whole chemical inbalnance in my
brain i think.... i'm doin really well in school... i dont
know.... at work last nite friends visited me!! i felt so
love... why do good times have to end so suddenly?? i think
everyone here on earth has their own reason to b here and
all taht jazz and when ur done there is nothin left to
do.... i wish i lived back in acient times like when the
avg person died at like 25... i think if that was happenin
now pepople wouldn't b wasting time on earth and do all the
things they want.... oh well... only my idea... i have to
do some reports and all that jazz but i really dont want
to... stupid ltin shit... i want to slam my head against
the wall.. but i made that stupid promise to jeff so i
can't but like in the "runaway train" song:
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep
It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep, there's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

anywazs... no one reads this stupid thing anymore... i dont
kno why i write in it... i thought it would give my friends
an outlook into my life.... get to kno me better... but its
just pushing them away... next week pete comes back from
college.... i want to get together wit him i think but... i dont kno
if i want to....
i mean i dont kno if hes just using me (chances are he is
since all guys do) but wateva... maybe that will cheer me
up.. i kno its whorsish... but at this moment in my life i
really dont cAre anymore... ::sits in silence:: oy.... i
hate the silence... arg.... i hate being alone... it sucks
to much... arg arg arg... wateva... life sucks then i will
die... heres a quotes i will leave u wit
"my work here is done, why wait?"
-Eastmans' (founder of kodak) last words before killing
himself
and
"Please, stay back. This thing can hurt someone..."
-Bill dwyer, at a press conference, before putting a loaded
revolver in his mouth and firing