luvbug

little mind farts...
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2001-11-17 16:26:10 (UTC)

life for me as of right now...

what can i say? i guess that i am in one of those moods
again. damn it blame it on hormones! yeah, my estrogen is
sky-rocking making me emotional. hee-hee
i hate fuckin having expectations!!!! this sucks so bad.
why do i set myself up like this? i expect for something to
happen and when that person doesn't respond the way that i
want them too, then i get let down. my logic tells me to
just "go with the flow" (i am starting to question whether
or not that is even possible), but my emotions pull me and
i get lost in them. i don't know, i guess that these are
one of those life lessons that i am going to have to
struggle with...lowering my expectations.
my father tells me to expect the worst but hope for the
best. i don't like that concept. i mean i would rather just
expect the best and just be ready for the worst (although i
tend to keep the worst in the back of my head.). i don't
know. i guess maybe i should just go with my dad's advice,
it's better than sitting here analyzing like this. my brain
is starting to hurt.
you know that person...that one person who is so fuckin
beautiful to you and there is nothing that you can really
do but watch him or her from afar? yeah, well i am watching
from afar and boy does that suck! lol i tried. i heard his
reasoning for "no" and i am somewhat okay with it because i
mean hell, i can't change his mind but it sucks. hey what
can i do? i think that he likes me alot but there are just
too many things running between us that's making him hold
back. i guess that's okay. i don't know. i have one of two
options, i can 1.) continue to feel the way i do and hope
that he comes around or 2.) just be his friend. but see
that's bullshit because there is no way in hell that you
can supress those feelings with that, "oh, i have only
platonic feelings for you." i won't even play that game.
here i go again, analyzing. i suspose that in this case
time will make everything okay, and if it is really meant
to be, than it will be...until then a friendship is beyond
great b/c i would rather have him in my life as a friend
than nothing at all. this guy is really really amazing in
my eyes, i just wish that he could see it through his too.

-michelle :0)


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