the wanderer

doo-hickey nonsense
2001-11-16 10:14:25 (UTC)

Eye H8 $

If I had one wish, just one, it'd be to eliminate MONEY!!!
I just got a seasonal job, but I won't see hardly any of the
money, because it's going towards buying gifts for family,
and the few friends I have, to honor a holiday in which I've
been vocal about not believing in. A couple of years ago, I
told my mom straight up, that I don't want a single solitary
thing from her or anybody else (hoping she'd relay the
message) for Christmas. Before I could explain why I'd come
to this conclusion, she threw out an answer for me, "Why, so
you don't have to buy anyone gifts?" That's a typical
statement from her, thus not surprising me. It made me think
though, about one of my cousins, and her decision to become
Jehovah's witness. Many family members say that's the
reason, but, who cares, if I want to know bad enough, I'd
bring it up to her, but I don't. Anyway, I told my mom, that
I think the holiday represents too many negative things for
me. The main thing running through my mind though was
GREED, and the letdowns that I'd had, but more often
witnessed, via expressons or emotions of ones close to me
over the years. Also, other families spending thousands of
dollars on each of their children. Jealous was I, long ago,
but not anymore, now I was discreetly disgusted. Many people
I knew made up demand lists rather than wish lists. Then,
the first week of school, once winter break was over, I had
to see kids flaunting their glutony, or talking about their
new temporary/disposable passions in a manner in which you'd
analyze a movie you just took in that was mediocre. Now that
I think about it, I actually dred this time of year. With
all of these frowning upon feelings, past turbulence of
family gatherings, and families who've done with little or
nothing under the tree (my family's been down that road).

I don't get it. I mean, it makes you wonder why it's not
officially changed to X-Mas. You're supposed to be
celebrating the fact that Jesus Christ existed (if you
believe in that fact in the first place). You'd be surprised
how many non-Christians celebrate the friggin' holiday. One
joy (there were few if any) of attending church every Sunday
for as long as I can remember up until I finally decided I
don't believe in anything that this or any religion stands
for (early teens), was noticing the increase in attendance
during the two weeks prior to and the week after any major
Christian holiday. Throughout the calendar year, there'd be
room for two or three more people to sit in each pew
throughout the church, but come holiday time, you were
practically sittin' on people's laps, and that was even
after they usually expanded the sitting capacity by adding
folding chairs near the entry. Rather than making fun of the
many igorant people who do this every year, I'd like to
thank them, for giving me something to do for 5 minutes
during mass that was intriguing, and that could steal my
attention away from the priest (actually it wasn't hard,
every week I checked out the ladies, twice over if
attendance was low). Well, actually, now that I'm not a
church-goer anymore, I can rib y'all. I'll save it for

My sister brings up on occasion, the movie "Soul Food". I
never quite understood why, until I came up with my own
theory, which is probably pretty darn close to hers. You
see, in that movie, everyone in the family, that the movie
focuses on, gathers every Sunday for a feast/gathering, as a
family tradition. No matter what curveballs life threw
them, they still tried their damndest (sp?) to meet that
standard weekly. The point I'm trying to reach is, is that
my sister has the same belief as me, in that togetherness
and spending time with the entire family is very, very
imperative, and in relation to holidays, you don't need a
marking on the calendar to tell you when to spend that
quality time with each other. Maybe an exact pattern of
gatherings might be as ineffective as holidays, for it will
seem less eventful due to it coming off as a requirement,
but the general idea is that there needs to not be an
underlying focus. Some examples would be, the dividing of
duties for Thanksgiving [(women cook and clean up
afterwards/men watch football and eat) just a stereotype
that's not so far from the truth], or meeting the
satisfaction of loved ones via material items at Christmas.

I truly think, that if I went far away, where nobody knew
me, that I can truly be who I want to be, can be, and should
be. The current realities of my surroundings tend to draw me
in like a trend. Next step, be spontaneous enough to flee...