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2001-11-16 08:41:37 (UTC)

Nothing Feels Right Anymore

Everytime I feel like things are starting to look up for
me, something goes wrong. I should've known that things
wouldn't work out so soon, but I was really hoping that
they would.
I'm getting a little stressed out with work. It's not the
hours, cause as far as I'm concerned, I don't work enough,
but it seems like it's getting me nowhere. I work 40 hours
a week and for what? A $340 dollar paycheck. I bust my ass
and for what? Absolutely no appreciation. I try the best
that I can to do good by everyone, and it gets me
absolutely nowhere.
Now Justin and I are having problems. He thinks that it
bothers me to help him out finacially, but it doesn't. And
now he's quitting his job, so we're gonna be having a
really hard time. Then he says he's moving out because it's
not fair for us both to live off of my paycheck, but that's
what makes it all worthwhile. I don't mind giving him money
if he needs it, and it makes it ok as long as I have him
with me. But then again, maybe it is a bad idea for him to
be here. I thought that having him here would be wonderful,
because then I'd always know where he is, and he'd be with
me more. But he's doing everything the same as he did
before. Everything that caused us problems in the past. He
stays out until 3 or 4 in the morning, and expects it to be
all ok with me. He did that in the apartment too. And he
said he knows now that that was wrong, and he promised not
to do it anymore. But he is, and I just don't understand.
He doesn't take me into consideration at all. He just
expects me to wait around for him at night, and I'm just
sick of it. I don't want to do it anymore.
I think I've lost my dad as well. Ever sense I sent him an
email telling him about everything Deborah did to me when I
was little, he doesn't even bother to call me or email me.
I've tried to email him, hoping for a response and I get
none. I don't know what I ever did to deserve all of this,
but whatever it was, I'm sorry.