The Journal of Greg Rodriguez
2001-11-16 08:12:43 (UTC)

November 16, 2001 2:54 AM

Dear Journal,

Just wanted to pop in to get a few words in. Movie night
tonight. Watched "In the Mouth of Madness"
and "Crazy/Beautiful"; one is a classic in my book, the
other was your standard chick flick, and kinda dumb.

My main reason for writing is talk about Joe some more.
This week was weird in that department. We hardly spoke. I
started thinking the worst; like maybe I was being annoying
about getting his attention. It's the funniest thing to
watch me when we're both online. I go through this stupid
thing where I wait for him to IM me, and if he's away, then
I read his away message. It's like I have to know where he
is at all times. If I hear the door open across the hall, I
have to run over to the peep hole and see if he's there.
But last night I was thinking about it, and I don't think
I'm in love with him. I don't THINK. If that's not it, then
what the hell is my obsession with this kid? Why do I
rearrange my whole shit just to say like two words to him?
What I want, ideally, is to be one of his really good
friends around here. He's just so hard to get a bead on. I
want to know where the fuck I stand in his book. He never
comes into the room to say hi, and he's always busy doing
some other shit. Then I try and tell myself to just forget
about him. But he's right across the fucking hall! He's my
neighbor for christ's sake. I just need to stop stressing
him so hard. I have to be open to the possibility that this
whole big idea that him and I are going to be best friends just might
not be. We might be too different. That's just the way it is. I
have to go back to getting my head on track. At least semi-
on track. I leave my door open just on the chance that he
might pop in. That's not me. I need to focus on the friends
I've got. If he has any desire to be down with me, then
he'll do it of his own volition, not because I'm throwing
myself at him every chance I get. I almost stayed here this
weekend on the off chance that I might get to chill with
him. I almost gave up on the chance to spend time with my
ACTUAL friends to stick around and wait for a "maybe". I
can't do that. That'll drive me fucking crazy.

All in all, next week during Thanksgiving will be the
test. I'm gonna try to just forget about him for awhile. I
definitely need to chill. Easier said than done.
Alright...just needed to get that off my chest. Later.