Courtney's Pages
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2001-11-16 03:34:42 (UTC)

AAAAHHH!(in a good way and a bad way)

So I just finished 40 laps at the Kohler Field house and do
I feel good I have showered and I am in my pjs! I have the
greatest time when I swim. I dont have to think about the
rest of the world and I just keep going til my legs feel
like Jell-O. Its kinda really cool. I need the get away!
Today mom called and when she asked me about mid marking
grades I lied! I didn't want to tell her the truth just in
case she gets them too. Other than that we had a really
nice chat. The only bad thing is that Aunt Minnie is in
the hospital. SHe had chest pains and then a mini
heartattack (whatever mini means). The poor woman is
almost 91. Part of me wishes that she would die and be rid
of all of her sufferings. I mean she has failing kidneys
and walking is a chore for her anymore. She eats the worst
foods for her and doesn't eat that often. She gets a small
bump that turns into a huge bruise and I feel like there is
nothing that can help her sometimes but for her to go to
Heaven. The other part of me is selfish and I know that.
I want her to be around forever and to be with me for this
and that and the other thing. She is the last "grand
parent" I have and the selfish part of me doesn't want to
lose that! Eric and I are going to go and see her on
Saturday if she is home or at LVH. I dont care if he had
other ideas, I just want to see her one last time. I
missed sharing a last Christmas visit with my grandmother
because I had to work. That was often the reason why I
would miss the trips to Aunt Minnie's too. Now being at
school and working at camp over the summer I have not seen
Aunt Minnie as much I should have been there. I want her
to know how much I love her and I want her to know that I
loved going to visit and see her smiling eyes. I want her
to know that some of my fondest childhood memories are of
going out for saturday and sunday dinners with Grandma and
her. I want her to know how much I loved it when they
would come for Christmas and Easter. I just want her to
know all of the things that I didn't get to tell grandma
before she passed. I want her to know how much she is

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