One of the fifty billion reasons that I'm going to Hell
Now if you know me, you'll know that I'm not exactly a big
people "fan". Why you could even call me a "misanthrope".
But let me give you my side. The people I know, the ones
that I'm friends with are awesome beyond all belief, they
make my life the kick ass one that it is........the rest of
you people????????? well you all can just go to hell. Most
people can just take their camel to hell, but with some
people I wish they'd take a concorde jet. Three of those
people happened to sit next to me in my Aesthetic
Experience class today. We were taking our test, and the
standard practice is to pass the scantron down the row so
that the instructor picks them up.
Let me give you some background on these asshole guys.
They looked like assholes. They dressed like assholes.
They asked an asshole like question. Two musicians from
the quartet that performed were at the class answering
questions. So one of the guys asks "so do you all like
have real jobs, or do you just go around playing your
Anyhow, we finish our test and since everyone wants to get
out of there and go home for thanksgiving break i look up
and to my left and the guys down that end are already
gone. So before i even get up, the asshole closest to me
throws his scantrons at me and says "here you turn them in."
Being the sorry, pansy, austrian that I am i took them and
went up to the drop off point. I was about to drop all
four scantrons off when it hit me.......I could just turn
mine in and keep theirs......that would mean a zero for
them. I slid their three inside my jacket and just put
mine down. By now i was sweating like oprah winfrey
opening a ho-ho packet. I was terrified that the beasts
were watching me through their cheap oakley knockoffs. I
glanced behind me and just saw the 3,000 lb. orcha of a
woman that was having an asthma attack from getting up from
her chair. I quickly strode off.....my nervous footsteps
keeping time with the orcha's ryhtmatic gasps.
I burst out into the cool november night. Mortified by
every sound behind me i nervously touched the scantrons and
took the first one out......blindly i ripped it to shreds
and it landed in the trash can near the bus stop. I
feverishly pulled out the second and tore it like an
inexperienced teenager who's fed up with trying to get the
bra hook undone, so he just takes the whole thing and
viciously rips it. Just like that teenager I took the
scantron and threw it in the garbage can near the book
store. Now i just had the last one left. I didn't want to
look at the name.....i couldn't, even though they were
assholes i felt bad. nevertheless i tore it and dropped it
in the trash can.
I walked on and as i headed towards the dorm a sense of
resolution washed over me. I looked up into the dark sky
and saw a hint of a twinkle. I knew that it was the
sparkle of God's eye. He was proud of me.......I'm sure
that if he had the time he would reach a hand down from the
sky and pat my on the back and say "My Nigga!" This
cowardly austrian did something he'd always wanted to do.
Sure the oppurtunity was incredible and it's not like there
was a "battle", but god damn son of a bitch it felt good.
To think that they might fail a one credit pass/fail course
brings joy to me. Shit, on second thought........I'm not
going to go to Hell for that. what i will do is go to
heaven, and watch from above as those three dumbasses are
tortured in the bowels of pits of fire with Mozart and
Bach, played by the quartet.