luvbug

little mind farts...
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Ezoic
2001-11-16 01:17:43 (UTC)

my mind scattered on the screen.

it's funny. right now i am confused but in a good way.
things are really happy for me. at the present moment, life
is good. i say that i am confused in a "good way" because
somethings aren't really where i want them to be and
somethings i am not even sure i should be doing, but for
some reason doing these things and not knowing an exact
place i should be feels good; i feel good.
today i had no school i basically spent a good portion
of it with myself. i had lunch by my self and i walked home
instead of taking the bus. while i was eating my chinese
food it was so fuckin quiet but i enjoyed the silence. i
ate and read a magazine, occasionally looking out of the
window to think about things.
for the most part i can't tolerate silence very well. i
get uncomfortable when a silence falls over me and i am in
the presence of someone else. i can admit now why this is
so. i do this because i am afraid that the silence is
filled with bad thoughts...possibly about me? i know that
this might stem from some insecurity but hey...i'm human!
don't get me wrong i don't get all crazy when a silence
drapes me and that other person, i just ask kind of stupid
questions to fill it, to slice the silence...to brake it.
recently however, i admitted this to someone special to me
and our silences are a little more comfortable now. i guess
because i realize that our silences aren't filled with bad
thoughts (lol, i hope not!).
last sunday when driving to church, i was looking at the
sears tower and i thought to myself, "what if i wasn't born
michelle living in chicago? what if i didn't have the life
that i am living? in my last life who was i? what did i do?
did i still act like the person i am today?" i think about
this alot. i don't know if this is relavent to the entry i
just thought that i would add that. :0)

-michelle :0)


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