Blooded Kez

Thoughts of a crazy person
2001-11-15 23:49:22 (UTC)


Ok, second entry of the day and my mood has dramaticly
changed, im pissed. Earlier i had a major argument with a
guy i know, because he opened his mouth without thinking,
and im so fucked off with him and everything now. Im
starting to consider my life as well, and the fact im
single and not exactly loving it. I miss being with
someone, thinking about the person all the time, feeling
loved by them, feeling secure... just that feeling of
happiness. I dont exactly know if my ex feels the same
about everything like that... he's deffinately moved on...
i know that. Dont get me wrong, so have i, but i do miss
stuff like that. Me and my mom are ok now, she aint as
pissy with me, which im kinda happy about. Felt very lonely
tonite, had too much time to think over my thoughts i
guess, and i suppose u could say that im now moping, and
for reasons im not sure about. Yeah i want a boyfriend, but
thats proboley not the top of my worrys right now, my
mental health is to be honest, because im scared by the
fact taht i feel so helpless and scared inside, because i
dont seem to have a grip on how i feel, on what i think
about, and im starting to feel how i used to, and i swore
to myself i wouldnt again. I feel like, inside of me is a
totaly different person, a person who i cannot controll,
altho i want to, and everything it does isnt right and it
scares me, and i know this proboley doesnt make sence
either. Feelin alittle pissy too because i like someone,
and i know theres no chance of being with him... and that
just upsets me because it shows what a looser i am, maybe i
am the looser in all of this, i dont know, hopefully saying
all this will make me feel better and tommorows another