a little piece of me
Ad 0:
2001-11-15 22:25:22 (UTC)

night from hell

hmm..so last night didn't start out that bad. but boy did
it all go downhill from there. i was talking to brett and
heather and suddenly brett said 'i think we need to talk'.
that is never a good thing. he told me how he thought the
distance thing was going to be an issue, and then about
some girl that he has a crush on. well, i knew about both
of these, but it sounded like he wanted things to be over
between us. i was really confused, cause all of this came
out of nowhere. i had to leave, so i left for a while. i
came back, and talked to him some more. then he decided to
call. i had tried not to cry, but i couldn't help it.
just hearing him, knowing that it was over...it was so
hard. i told him that he broke my heart, which he did, and
that made him cry. then i felt aweful, because i didn't
mean to upset him. i still love him afterall. he kept
going on about fucking things up, and i tried to make him
feel better (seems a little backwards, i know..he breaks my
heart, but i try to cheer him up...lol). it didn't work.
every time i would quit crying, he would say he was sorry
and didn't mean to hurt me, and i would start crying
again. we both cried for a long time. he asked if he
could still come, and i went back and forth..yes, then no,
then yes again. we decided to stay together. he's still
coming. i'm very happy about that, but still worried. i
mean, if i'm already this attached to him, it's going to be
even worse to let him go after he's been here and stayed
with me for a litte while. he says we could try and work
something out after, if things go well, but honestly, i
think he's just coming down here to um, screw around. i
can't say that to him, cause it would upset him. i am
probably just being paranoid, but i don't know. i'll take
him any way i can get him. if that's what he wants, that's
fine. i really love him. i don't think he loves me, even
though he says he does. oh well. that seems to be a trend
with me...

anyway, brett and i are ok now, even though there are still
some things we need to talk about. i just didn't want to
bring them up today since he was in a good mood. well, i
guess that's about it. i'm gonna work on my painting now.


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