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2001-11-15 20:14:25 (UTC)

LJ --- all of him

theres never anything to write now. i deleted the last
entry i wrote in here, dont ask me why because i dont know
i was supposed to go out to dinner with my parents on my
mother's birthday but i didn't go... i don't want to go to
thanksgiving dinner with them either, but i might anyway.
life is strange these days...
im sorry for all the awful things i did, so so sorry. and i
wont do them anymore, i promise, with everything in my
i miss some of you, you who i knew in my old life. but the
new one is making me so happy i can barely breathe
sometimes. falling asleep every night wrapped in his arms,
and waking up to the feel of his skin against mine... all
the whispered "i love you"s, all the smiles and fun... and
i would do anything for him now. hopelessly in love. he
smiles at me and all i can do is smile (helpless) back...
we sing in the car. i curl up against him, and we scream
the music we both love. sometimes he makes me steer and my
shaky hands grip the wheel, convinced im going to crash us
and we'll both end up dead. we get pulled over all the
time. usually its just a warning, but every once in a
while, we aren't so lucky. we drive at night, stopping when
we see the eyes of deer in the forest, marveling at the
beauty of the sky, the stars, rolling down the windows and
taking deep breaths of the sweet cool air. half the time i
feel like im in some kind of romance movie.
we curl up on the couch and watch movies at three am. i
hold him close, run my fingers through his hair, kiss
we go out, i put on my makeup and sweatshirt, and every
time we get out of the car he hugs me... piggy-back
rides... he takes me everywhere, gives me everything, we
smile and laugh and its like it isn't even real its so
amazing. and if i ever ever lose this i don't know what
i'll do.
forever is hard to say, because nobody wants to break
promises or hearts or have those words remembered later,
long before "forever" ends. but its been said now...
the eyes are the gateways to the soul. Michael Howard told
me that in one of my acting classes a few years ago. and
when i look into his eyes i swear i can see right into his
very being, and see everything he is and everything i love
in him, all of him.

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