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2001-11-15 19:22:18 (UTC)

15 Nov. 2001 Thursday 1:11 pm

This seems like the longest year of my life. I came back
from Lexington in January, penniless after having wasted
all my money on booze, without a job and into a house
plagued by deeply buried domestic problems. I found a job
with Job World in Union City, a temp service specializing
in placing people in shitty, low-paying jobs. Worked about
90 hours in one week at Valley Crating building skids,
couldn't handle that many hours, quit, was sent to Kohler
where I worked from about February thru June, got laid off
and went to truck driving school for a week. I decided I
didn't want to get that deep in debt for another blue-
collar job, so I left truck driving school and was a
substitute teacher for a brief time. Since that wasn't a
daily job, I had to quit that and go back to Job World,
which puts me where I am now, at Insteel, another shitty
job for the unwashed masses. Mom is back in the hospital.
I spent most of the day with her yesterday and she was such
a nervous wreck. I really don't think she'll last much
longer unless she can learn to relax and not worry, agonize
over her health so much. I talked to her on the phone
today and she sounded slightly better, calmer anyway. So
far, all I have to show for my life, seems like, is a small
checking account balance, a mountain of bills from student
loans and things that seems to loom too large to ever pay
off, and that's it. I so have to change my life because
the way things are going, I'm not living, certainly not
happy, I'm merely breathing and going thru the routine of
work, hospital to see Mom like some kind of automaton. A
preacher came by the house Mon. from Midway Baptist. I
thought he was a Bible salesman, thank God he wasn't. He
seemed very nice and intelligent, unlike a lot of country,
uneducated preachers, and I might try to go to his church
this Sunday, if I don't have to work and if Mom isn't
worse. Maybe church can alleviate some of my worries.