ashley

writings on the wall
2001-11-15 10:07:32 (UTC)

Tuesday night...

I just finished talking with Louis on the phone. I was
on my bed and suddenly our phone conversation reminded me
of Stan. Why? I have tried so hard not to think of him!
It's been almost 2 weeks since I stopped thinking of him
and now the thoughts kept flowing back again...
I'll never forget the first time we held hands, our
first kiss and how he kissed my hand. He was the first guy
I ever loved and he broke my heart. The day he told me that
he "honestly not ready to give up his bachelor life", my
heart broke into a million pieces. I told him that it's
okay because I think that what we shared was just lust,
whereas deep inside I was hoping that he will deny it but
he didn't. It hurt me even more...
Maybe it's a good thing that we broke up that day.
Better early than later when I am deeply in love with him
right? I remembered that he kept saying that I am a nice
girlfriend. What's the use of being one when your boyfriend
don't appreciate you? Maybe I should think twice before
handing my heart to another guy...
Dad came back as usual, I didn't talk to him much. How
can I have such an irresponsible father? Why can't I just
have a happy family like other kids? I know that it's not
mom's fault so I didn't say anything to her. Thank God he
left the next morning because grandma is sick and admitted
to the hospital. What kinda granddaughter am I???


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