2001-11-15 04:31:01 (UTC)

nov 15

im sitting in front of de comp and i dont noe what to say.
maybe its really all over. maybe its true that all dis will
only bring me bad memories. i dont noe. im losing hope. i
never thought dis day would come but it has and im taking
it a little difficult. my friends are giving up hope on me.
i dont blame them. its okay really. u noe, if there was
such a thing where u can erase parts of ur life, i would
because i cannot face dis pain anymore.

i feel so insignificant towards her. its okey really dat
she ignores me. its only becoz i deserve it. its okay
really. i want to take my life, or say the remains of it,
far away from all this but i noe its almost impossible.
its all motherfucking. maybe it would help if my
real mother was still alive. i noe she would understand and
not put me down like de rest. god, sometimes i wish i was
dead but i have a lot of sins to atone therefore i noe im
not ready to die yet. but sometimes it seems like de only
way out. its pretty pathetic.

what is wrong with me. dat seems to be a frequenly self-

to be honest. i still have hope in me. about all dis.
because i feel really strong abt dis and i believe in it.
but i noe its redundant for only one hand to clap. slap me.

im demented. and i believe so.
there really is no other word.
slap me.

nov 15 1245 hrs