Birdy: Where am I now?
2001-03-25 04:35:20 (UTC)

I m back. I told you I had a..

I'm back. I told you I had a lot on my mind. I just got
done talking to Jeremy. I like him so much! I miss him a
lot. There was a point in my life when I was thouroghly
happy. That was in the fall when the middle school was
putting on the play "Charlotte's Web." He was the assistant
director and I think I fell for him when I first saw him.
We were close then. I remember he used to wait for me and
we'd go everywhere together. I made him laugh soooo hard!
What I liked most about him is that he actually liked me
for me and not how I look. I'm quite fat and ugly, but he
looked passed that. I loved him. I still love him. But like
all good things, this had to end also. He's seventeen, on
May 7th. I, well, I am fifteen on December 12. He told me I
was too young. I don't think so. What is age besides a
number, anyway? He's in eleventh grade, I in eigth. But
next year, maybe we will be together. I took it very hard
when I had to leave him, and everyone else in the play
behind. I cried for two solid days for him. Even in school,
I cried. I burst out crying in the hallway, in louds sobs.
I burst out crying in the lunch room. I cried during class,
I cried when I read aloud, and read to myself, and I cried
when I slept and ate and I cried when I was doing nothing.
Well, my scars have faded and, sadly enough, so has my
memory of those times. I miss it. I miss what we had,
whatever it was. He was one of the two people I have truly
loved in my short life...The other is my best friend.
Steve came into my life late in the year last year. The
math teacher changed our seating and I remember the first
thing I said to him was "I don't cheat." I thought he was
a scumbag, but that was at quick glances and when I looked
him over more closly, he was dressed neatly. Well, I knew I
loved him from the first time I saw him, also. He was
beautiful then and even moreso now. He has blonde hair and
the bluest eyes. His name is Steve.
Back then, we weren't even half as close as we are now.
Now, we can, and do tell eachother everything and I mean
EVERYTHING. I loved him for a long, long time. But, I also
recieved a hard slap in the face and was dragged back to
reality by the hair the day that he uttered the words: "I
like Jenn." We have grown closer since then, but just as
friends. The day Jenn sauntered into Steve's life was the
best day, yet the worst day of my life. If it hadn't
happened, Steve and I may not be this close. I know he
thinks very highly of me. I think of him highly, too. I
still love Steve, but more as a brother really. I know he
will always be there for me, no matter what...and that
helps me a lot. I'm no longer jelouse of Jenn, because I
know he tells me more than he tells her. Steve and I, we
are very close. He is my best friend...but maybe, just
maybe...we love eachother as a little bit more than that....