hey it's in my head wasting space!
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2001-11-14 20:29:13 (UTC)

No relationship

Well ofcourse its been a few weeks since I've been
interested in this new guy Jeff. He's sweet, very smart(4.0
gpa in a guy that isnt a complete bore...mmm), really good
looking and hysterically funny. Sounds about as close to
perfect as you can get. Well I knew him through my brothers
ex girlfriend. So I knew him technically last year but I
was involved with someone else and after everything I've
been through with guys I was determined to stay away and
focus on school. Which was successful ofcourse! My awesome
GPA to prove it and all my extra curricular clubs and what
not. I'm flying through applications for scholarships and
I'm proud. But don't we all begin to get lonely after a
while? Only humane I seem to think. So I decided I'd give
this interesting guy a shot.
I walked up to him and started talking to him and
finally got eachothers numbers. Now we talk for the most
part regularly. No date yet. We have made attempts to go
out but him not liking to drive (wont get a car) its
difficult. Not to mention his swim team responsibilites,
work and keeping that shiny gpa up. I haven't been too
angry for not being able to go out someplace alone with
him..more disappointed. I have been going over and over in
my mind what to say to him though. He had said to me one
night that he has trouble expressing his feelings (dont all
guys?? lol) and so I didn't want to put him on the spot by
asking him all these questions about what his thoughts of
me were...not so soon anyways. Thing is, I've been thinking
about him non stop. Apparently hung up over him for some
reason..I mean whats not to like? He makes me smile. Not
many people can cheer me up when I'm angry. I'm pretty
stubborn (credited to being a capricorn lol) but he can! It
sounds crazy but what I can do. It's nuts I will wait all
day long to talk to him and I will wait till around 9:40
(when he gets home from work) to give him a call....and
sometimes if he doesn't answer, its disappointment all the
way. No way do I call him back either. Im reasonable. I
figure if the man wants to speak to me he will look at the
caller id on the cell and call me back. Crazy huh? I try
not to analyze things so very much but its difficult for
me. I never want to make a wrong move. Now thats good and
bad I guess you could say because it might stop me
from 'learning from my mistakes' If I don't take the chance
to make mistakes...I'll never learn. UHG so frustrating!
Today I walked up to him almost losing my nerve to
speak to him...but I'm proud of myself that I did. Honestly
though my knees were shaking so much I had to stand up
completely straight to stop them so that he wouldnt notice.
I asked him in a not to abrubt way....if he was interested
in me and the first thing he said was "I dont want a
relationship right now" but he seemed so nervous!! Everyone
has told me he is never nervous about anything..yet when I
speak to him in person or look him in the eyes he gets so
nervous. Sounds insane but he does. Thats what is leading
me to believe maybe he is just nervous about women. I mean
hes soon to be 18...how so? But I suppose its possible. I
asked him if he thought there could be anything and he
shrugged his unknowing shrug and said he thought so...then
gave me his great big smile. As usual ofcourse. That smile
makes my eyes light up! Now I really dont know where we
stand. Not that we stood anywhere before I suppose. But he
says we will still go out together somewhere. I guess I can
just take it day by day from there and hope for the very
best. I've fallen for him now though...only way out I see
results in me getting hurt (ofcourse lol) But I guess I
shouldnt jump to conclusions. Till later..

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