EmilyStrange

The Chronicles of Ms. Evil
2001-11-14 20:27:10 (UTC)

The day went by so fast today...

The day went by so fast today. I didn't even know where it
went. I finally got to deposit my check. All i have left
is to call at&t and bitch them out. I really don't feel
like it and i don't even really know what to say.i am going
to call up and cancel my fucking service though they pissed
me off so bad. Well i knew my last diary entry would raise
some hell but i really needed to get that out of my
system. I heard yet again today that there is no future in
the horse business. I don't even know where i am going to
start. I can't just start up a business, it's just not
that simple. I am starting to wonder why i keep making
things so difficult for myself. Like i'm a glutton for
pain and anguish. I am going ot start running every night
now so that i don't turn into a cow when i go on birth
control. i am also going to start to to yogo, hopefully it
will help me with stress and with riding. I don't want to
go back and have a lesson with my intsructor, she's going
to be so disappointed in my riding. It has gone to all holy
hell. I was such an awesome equitation rider and now i
would be embarassed to put myself in a show ring. i just
need some more time ni the saddle which i can't get. My
fuckiing english instructor is telling me that rding with
no stirupps messes up your equitation and it doesn't. it
helps you get a balanced seat, it helps you not brace on
the stirups, and makes you use a deeper seat. she says it
opens your hip angle. My hip angle is open because that's
how you ride arabs that's how arab judges like to see you.
Doing no stirups helped me keep my legs in position and not
brace on the stirups which i'm doing now. my riding is
shit now and it pisses me off. I am definetly not the
rider i thought i was. It was a severe reality check and
i'm starting to wonder if i will ever make it as a
trainer/intructor. I dont' even really know if i want to
get into breeding. i do but i want to get into minis and i
don't think there is much of a market for them. i would
like need to make sure that i was in a stable finacial
situation before i even thought about it. which means i
will probably have to get a job that i wont' want and be
unhappy with it for a couple years while i work that out.
i am so not looking forward to getting out of here. I jsut
want everything to stay, i want to be perpetually 19.
Everything would be easier that way. I can't see myself
doing anything. i am not taking anything seriously, well
not as much as i should. i am just going along by the seat
of my pants. i have no plan, i have no goals, i'm just
kinda going with it. well that's enough rambling for now.

Ms. Evil