samuelh

All on the table
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2001-03-25 03:16:15 (UTC)

The most amazing little miracle..

The most amazing little miracle happened just now.

I went to the church tonight, as I often do on Saturday
evenings to make sure everything is ready with the
sound system for the Sunday morning services. I also
went tonight to pray, and I thankfully had the whole
building to myself to kneel and pray out loud and cry.

I talked to God about how my marriage is such a failure,
and I cried over what might have been but isn't. I
prayed for Ann, and I prayed for forgiveness and healing
in me so that I could think of Ann without the fear,
anger, and hate I feel toward her. I prayed for Kristine,
and my fears for her in this breakup, and I heard God
tell me once again to trust God to be God. I cried for
the frustration I feel, and I prayed for patience to listen
to God's leading and wisdom to follow God's directions.

Most of all, though, I cried because it hurts so much -
the failures that have all led to this point, the "ghosts"
of doubt and despair that hover around me late at night,
and the dread and fear of all the damage that will be
done to put an end to this horrible marriage. I cried
because I can't see my way through this, and all I can
see is more pain. And God answered, "Yes, my child, I
will see you through, I will give you peace, and I will
heal that pain when the time comes that you are ready
for it."

"But, God, I hurt now, so badly. Can you give me peace
now?"

And God answered me, "Let me show you what I can
give you now, to remind you that I will heal you and
bring you through. Look behind you."

And I looked, and there on the pulpit, at the front of the
church, was a wrapped Band-Aid strip. It looked so
strange sitting there. There had been a bunch of them
earlier in the week, all scattered on the floor, but the
custodians had cleaned up all the rest, all but the one
that God left for me.

I held it, and it felt of God's touch, and I cried.

I still hurt, and I know I will hurt for a long time to
come, but I will have this Band-Aid in my front pocket,
and it will remind me that God will lead me through and
make me whole again.

God is good!

Samuel
[email protected]


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