PunkSparkle

*blank stare*
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2001-11-14 17:11:38 (UTC)

Here I Go Again, I Promised Myself I Wouldn't Think of You Today...

This is getting downright ridiculous. Kissy has been
gone for *counting* 6 days shy of 17 months. I haven't seen
him since June 20, 2000, and haven't heard his voice since
last July. We've been corresponding by letter, and not too
frequently at that. I miss him more than I could ever
express... so much, it hurts. Whenever I think of him
there's this ache in my heart where I hold him. I need to
see him, in the flesh... I want to hear his voice in my
ears, and not just in my head; I want to feel him kiss me
again, and not just imagine what it will be like when he
does. I want him to hold me again, to walk with me out by
the river again, sing to me again. I know that everything
happens for a reason, and maybe fate made him stay in Texas
instead of coming back for some devine reason.
Well, I no longer care if it fucks with the natural
course of events... I have to see him, and soon. After I'm
settled in in Florida, and I get the money, I'm going to
Texas and I'm going to see him. I don't care if it's for a
day and a half only... I need him more than I have ever
needed anyone in my life before. I think of him constantly,
I miss him constantly... and I can feel him thinking of me.
That was an unusual thing with us... we could read each
other's thoughts and feelings without a word, and we
couldn't lie to each other. Whenever one of us tried, the
other always knew and, more often than not, also knew what
the truth was. We could hold whole conversations with our
eyes sometimes.
When Kissy and I do meet again, he is going to find me
somewhat changed... I have become an entirely diffrent
person in a year and a half. He left me a blonde, long-
haired, hippie-esque timid (well, kinda), 16-year-old who
was dating a German guy. Now i'm just shy of bald and the
hair I do have is black, I've got tattoos and my hippie
clothes are collecting dust, along with my timidity, I'm 18
and not dating anyone. I think now I'm more punk than
anything. Eiether way, I'm certainly not the Mandy (he
calls me Tandy; don't ask me why, I think it's cause I call
him Kissy) he remembers. I wish I had the money to go there
and see him now... I have to see him soon. I don't know why
it's so urgent, but I miss him to the point where I can
hardly even cry over him anymore. I'm that empty. ANd
something is telling me that I must see him, be with him,
soon. I wish, I wish...

On lighter notes, I think Mike is supposed to be
coming back today. Last night Maria, Kat, Noah, Clay and I
went out to play pool(Well, Clay didn't, but the tables
there are too high for him to reach). Then all of us but
Clay came back here and just hung out for a little while.
Kat left around 11 and soon after I took Maria and Noah
home, and went up to sleep. Not a very eventful day, but at
least nothing terrible happened or anything. Now I'm going
to go make breakfast and do some other stuff to keep me
busy. Not that it will work... I'm still aching for my
Kissy. (Oh and for the record, in case anyone wonders, his
real name is Chris)
**Sparkle**
Current Muic: Standing at the Edge of the Earth- Blessid
Union of Souls

I knew that this moment would come in time
That I'd have to let go and watch you fly
I know you're coming back so why am I
Dying inside?
Are you searching for words that you can't find?
Try to hide your emotions, but eyes don't lie
Guess there's no easy way to say goodbye...
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that someday you'll come back again
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth,
Hoping for someday...
Don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say
I don't want to let you leave this way
I want you to know that I stand right by your side
And I know this may be
The very last time that we see each other cry
But whatever happens know that I'll...
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that one day you'll come back again
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that someday you'll come back to me
I'll be praying for whatever it's worth
Believing that one day you'll come back again
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping for someday...
And I know this may be
The very last time that we see each other cry
But whatever happens know that I'll...
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that one day you'll come back again
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that someday you'll come back to me
I'll be praying for whatever it's worth
Believing that one day you'll come back again
I'll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping for someday...
Waiting for someday
Believing in someday
Praying for someday,
I'll be longing for someday
Clinging to someday
Cherishing someday,
I'll be thinking of someday
Dreaming of someday
Wishing for someday,
I'll be living for someday
Counting on someday
Knowing that one day
I will see you...



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