Poisoned_Mist

Diary of a dope fiend.....
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2001-11-14 10:09:52 (UTC)

Love is a funny thing...

So...today has been an emotional rollacoaster for me... one
moment im happy, then im sad and depressed then im angry
(fuckin PMS.. ok im sure you didnt wanna know that but oh
well) ok first i was all happy about being about to go see
the Harry Potter movie (which im still going to see
friday.. i'll let you know how it is for those of you who
want to see it) then i started thinking about stuff that
has been going on lately... my bf mainly and much i miss
him. Its killing me not being able to talk to him... i can
see him online but not being able to talk to him... it
hurts. I know i could just make it so i couldnt see him but
i've tryed and i cant. and today i had had about enough of
my friends raggin on my man... she calls him stupid and an
ass(which i know he can be but everyone can be at times)
and how hes not trying but he is.. she just doesnt know how
much he has improved.. i've known him for 8 yrs almost and
i can see it. he still has his problems but i still love
him with all my heart and soul...anyways i yelled at her
about it and told her how it hurt me when she talks bad
about him to ME. she just said im just telling you the
truth and shit blah blah.. hes not STUPID!!

Why do i always have to be the strong one, why can i once
be the one to be held and told everythings gonne be
ok...the one to cry not cried on. im there for my friends..
but lately i seems they arent there for me they just tell
me to get over it and walk away. And i feel like im loosing
my best friend...we've been friends for almost 8 yrs no
fights no nothing like that and im glad i still have her
even if just a little bit. Shes been really busy lately no
time for me but for everyone she does. Shes the one i run
to when i have a problem.. or just need to talk and let
shit out. if i loose her where do i go? what whould i do...
i dont know what i'd do. I just loose everything...and to
top it all off... my granny's dieing :*( of altzhimers
(sp?) i would love to go see her before i cant... but i
dont have the money to, but i dont think id be able to if i
did anyway... i couldnt see her like she is.. she wouldnt
remember me and it would kill me. I was closer to her than
all my other grandparents...when shes gone.. i'll just have
my moms mom...who thinks im a slut and a
devilworshiper...we dont get along at all. She doesnt know
me at all she barely talks to me...sheesh no one talks to
me anymore. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO TALK TO!! i guess thats
why i started this thing. to get shit out to
talk..whatever. i know this probably doesnt make much sence
to any of you but it does in my head. all the thoughts and
my feelings inside are all jumbled.. im comfused. i dont
make much sence to myself anymore. The one person who knew
me the best is drifting away from me... im fallin apart.
Sometimes i think it would be better if i just left....
wasnt here anymore... but im not going to take the easy way
out.... things will come together eventually...atleast i
hope so. Well its time for me go to bed and quit my
rambling. G'night
Ciao!


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