It hasn't been that long..
Ad 0:
2001-11-14 07:48:59 (UTC)

To be thought about

This is a somber way to stary out a new diary..but it was
been weighing me down lately. I do not feel as if I've been
my regular self, because of what I've had on my mind.

I've been thinking about my old best friend..a guy by the
name of Beau. Almost three years ago, Beau commited
suicide. Three years is also approx. the time that I've
lived in Ohio. In these past three years, I've grown so
much as a person, yet my former self doesn't seem so far

I've experienced more in these past three years, that gave
me more introspection in life than I had in the previous
three years. With that being said, I wonder what the next
three years have in store.

I wonder if in three years, I will still spend time
thinking about Beau..if in three years, I will still be
able to recally every detail of the last time I saw him, as
clearly as I do now.

I remember it was the day before I moved..my last day at
school. I didn't make the fact I was moving well known for
fear that people would start to ignore me because of it.
However, i had told my close friends. I hadn't had a chance
to tell Beau much though, because he had been in the
hospital. His parents sent him away over Thanksgiving
Break, and I was to move the day after Thanksgiving Break
was over. So during my last week of my old life, I didn't
see him. Not until the day I left.

As school was ending that day and I was saying my
goodbyes..he came up to me, and gave me a hug. As close as
he and I were, we had never hugged. We had walked to
classes together every day, worked together in the library,
danced together in gym class..but never hugged. I suppose
its fitting that our first embrace was our last.

I remember Beau was wearing a camo t shirt, faded blue
jeans, and a brand new pair of boots. The boots were a gift
from his parents, because he was "recovering" so well. Beau
came up to me, and we talked..promised to write and call.
He said he would miss me. I said I'd miss him too. We left
it at that, and I turned to leave for my bus, when he
touched me on the arm and said 'come here Forsythia, give
me a hug'. Forsythia was what he called me, we both had
very eccentric nicknames.

When I close my eyes or dream of him, I can still feel his
arms on my pack, keeping me close to him.