The Chronicles of Ms. Evil
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2001-11-14 01:19:11 (UTC)

Some nothing thoughts

Wow, what a day. It was so much better then yesterday, but
still it had it's moments. Julie is going to drop out of
the program here. But I knew she was going to. She never
finishes anything. Her and her boyfriends relationship is
fucked. she lies to him, she cheated on him and they fight
all the time, the only thing is he doesn't know she is
lying or cheating. Its sad, it really is. People can't
keep their urges down and they go out and fuck up a good
thing without thinking. It really actually makes me ill.
I don't understand how people can hurt others like that. I
mean how can you intentionally go out and hurt someone.
People will say oh well it was spur of the moment, well not
really you would have had to have thought about it before
like "well i wish i could sleep with this person"
or "wouldn't it be nice to be with them". I don't know how
to explain it, if your not happy with your relationship
then why don't you end it or work on it, not go out and
fuck it over royally. I don't know why i am so frustrated
about this but i am. Scott might be dropping out of the
program here too. I wish he wouldn't, but in a way i did.
he isn't happy here and he doesn't have the right attitude
to be in the program. he is too defensive and stubborn.
he acts like everyone is out to get him and that no one is
trying to help him when nothing can be done. I wish he
wouldn't get so upset about things. I don't know how i am
going to make it next sememster. this classes i had this
sememster were pretty easy but i heard about some classes
next sememster and there will be a lot of memorization.
not my strong point. I'm not fucking book smart, i can't
memorize things, a lot of the people here know a lot about
bones and stuff from bio they took before. I almost failed
bio, and I like don't know any names of bones. It sucks, i
am going to have to work my ass off. I am going to be so
frustrated next semester. I can see it already, i told my
teacher already that i am going to have problems in his
class and he said he'll try and help but it will be a lot
of memorization. I got a survey today in one of my classes
and it askes us where we see ourselves next year, next 5
years, 10 years, 20 years. I just kinda sat and pondered
that question and it scared me, cuz i don't really know. I
don't have a plan I just kinda jumped into this program
hoping i would get some where. yes i like what i am doing
but i don't know where i am going. I can't just up and out
of college get my own barn, i don't know how long it will
take me to get a job, i don't know what job i am going to
get. If i am only doing the 2 year program i don't have
that much time to think about this. it scares me and all i
want to do is stop time so i don't have to go out and be on
my own. I am not really on my own here because i have all
my friends and my floor mates. we take care of each
other. I don't want to be alone, it scares me. I saw a
commercial for the army reserves today, and i thought back
to when i was going to join. I should have. I would have
a job. it would fuck with plans and stuff and i wouldn't
be able to do whatever i wanted when i wanted to but still
i wouldn't have to worry about paying for school as much
and paying my parents back. i am so stupid i should have
joined. I would be a semester behind but still, i would be
doing something important. good god, i need to go to
sleep, but anyway i have to go ken has called me.

Ms. Evil

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