Tatsuma

Things changed.... No more Jen and Kristin... But now a dream

It's strange how time change... I mean.... When I first
entered the NON... the two very single person that I was
talking there was 3 persons I was talking too... Now it's
off to one... only Shelly... I decided that I would cut the
bridge between me and jen... and me and kristin...

jen... at some point, i realized that i build to much
things on her... I was too much, i don't know... maybe not
dependant... but maybe yes, after all... maybe i was... but
i was just someone else for her... It's also funny to see
how things reversed... She was telling me a while ago that
I was ignoring her... but now it's her ignoring me.. kinda
funny... was isn't funny is that i nearly killed myself
because i felt hopeless and unlistened (well, not just
because of her... in fact, not at all, it's just that it
doesn't help AT all to find out I had no one to told this
(and, in facts, it's my fault since i was counting on her
WAY too much than I should have done... like i could have
had a friend online.... lol... but at least I have people
like brett and shelly... to talk to.... sometimes)

And kristin... well... same story... i got tired of being
ignored when i needed it... i'm not an attention whore...
but when i need someone to talk to me... i like when they
reply... or talking to her feeling dumb...

even if it's just to tell me they can't.. but when i see a
thread of me calling out someone.... and this person don't
even answer.... but continue to reply to other threads... i
don't know... it pisses me off... I feel like no one...
again... damn my parents for my lack of self-esteem :mad:

I got a fucking head but i don't fucking use it
I have a heart, but I let it get colder
I got feelings, but I'm killing them

humpf... anyway... i'm getting closer to my dream, to go in
india... I started to learn hindi... and read about
there... I taped a tape (duh) of me hindi language

like i say the word... and then I hear the word in hindi...
I started to listen to this while i'm sleeping... and
training... and it's starting... slow... but still... it's
harder to learn then english ;)

anyway...