2001-11-13 21:48:29 (UTC)

First instalment: Where do I begin? My first day at Uni

I really should have started this journal 6 weeks ago
because that's when I started university and it's been pure
drama since then. I just know that now I've started this
diary absolutely nothing will happen to me. Under the
circumstances though that may be an improvement.

How do I summarize my first 6 weeks? Well... Right now I'm
living in a self catering block 20 minutes outside of
campus. I share a block (and one bloody kitchen) with about
40 people. It's a nice university, if a bit quiet, full of
trees and squirrels and cows and mud and rain. I like it
here but I have been through a lot of trauma, mostly a
product of my severely messed up head. Before i came to
university, I knew I was depressed. I had been for many
years but I kept it contained. I'd even kept it from my
parents until recently, but more importantly I'd kept the
darkest feelings locked away somewhere deep down. Something
here triggered those feelings to rise to the surface.

It didn't happen straight away though.... I remember the day
my dad drove me to uni, me in the back wedged between
suitcases and boxes feeling sick and numb. I had no idea
what I was heading for. When I reached my new room it felt
unreal. Worried looking students wandered around with boxes
and parents, nervously saying hello. Just by luck, the girl
I met in the kitchen turned out to be my next door neighbour
and we agreed to go round making cheesy introductions
together. Meanwhile my dad managed to bring a family curse
feel to the whole proceedings by locking himself out of the
car and having to call the AA to break in. When I said
goodbye to my parents I didn't cry, I wanted them to leave
so I could get going.

Things weren't going to be that easy though. I knocked on
Kerry's door and she wasen't there. Suddenly the future was
bleak. Inhuman people were already laughing and bonding in
the kitchen. What was their secret? I disapeared in my room
and contemplated 3 years of complete isolation, cut off from
the rest of humanity. Fortunately Kerry made me go out to
the union that night. She had somehow met 15 blokes from C
Block (how I will never know) and needed another girl for
moral support. So suddenly there I was drinking in the union
bar with guys of various levels of gorgeousness. In a subtle
form of musical chairs they came to question me and be
questioned as to home towns, courses, musical tastes ect.
One guy in particular, Ali, must have made an impression as
i took his number. I think it was the puppy dog eyes that
did it. He walked and partly piggy backed me home and we
bickered in a slightly camp way as I tried to walk in
ridiculously high heels. Outside my block i kissed him and
said goodnight. In my own true style, I did not phone him
the next day.