Unholy and Dirty and Beautiful Me
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2001-11-13 19:16:33 (UTC)

HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED?? ya, I haven't been here in awhile. I'm still
with J. & things are mediocre.....I'm meeting him for a
late lunch/early dinner today and I haven't seen him in
almost a week.

About a month ago J & I went to a stag & doe together &
this guy M. was trying to pick me up...I told him I was
there with my boyfriend & I'd see him at the
wedding....went to the wedding without J (he had to work)
and ended up dancing, talking & even kissing with M. BAD
ME. Gave him my number, he called & he wants to see me this

J. & I are in a "committed" fact I'm the
one who asked if I'd be his only girl when he asked me to
be with we're all tied to eachother.

Lately I've been so dissapointed in J, he doesn't call me
when he says he will & I haven't seen much of him lately
either....I still REALLY like him but I think I'm going to
meet up with M. & see if perhaps I'll have a change of
heart. In my heart I know I should say something to J.
along the lines of "we should see other people" but I know
that just sounds like a lame breakup excuse, and really I'm
not sure I want to break up with him right now....I'm so

I've already cheated on J because I kissed M but if I just
go out with M & try to make up my mind ASAP about who I
want to be with I guess I can't do more damage than I've
already done.....right????
I guess I'm selfish, but I feel like if I give up on J
right now I might be losing a possible good thing, what if
he's "the one"...and M is super cool & cute &
funny.......maybe he would be "the one".....who knows!! I'm
not married to anyone.....I've gotta do what's best for me


PS. I've never cheated on anyone before this.....have you??? How did