Squeeb's world
2001-11-13 17:42:34 (UTC)

Play on my Insecurities...

K, so just after I finished on my puck bunny rage, my baby
comes online. I soooo don't want to bug him. I want to see
if he'd actually talk to ME first but I've been sitting here
for five minutes trying to fight the urge not to talk to
him, just to test the waters to no avail. And now I'm all
thinking like OMG, does he like think I'm a bunny? But nah,
I never once offered him anything. Never! and I wouldn't
unless I knew that his heart was mine. Like my own heart
hasn't belonged to me for almost 7 years, he's had it in the
palm of his hand and he's the one who smashes it and makes
it swell... and damn, why won't he talk to me? Hel-lo! I've
gone a full week without crying. I'd like it to last a
little longer if at all possible. Maybe he doesn't check to
see who's online? I don't know. I'm just so damn insecure.
Oh for God's sake! You stupid, stupid boy! Get it through
your thick skull that I am in love with YOU. Not the hockey
player you- the sensitive "I cried so hard when my Grandma
died" you. The cute little "I am not too cool to get on my
hands and knees and play with my 6 and 4 year old cousins"
you. YOU. Just plain old you. Why can't you see that? How
can I make you see? How can I get you to see the real me?
Who cares if you play hockey? Well besides you I mean.
Really! Baby, that's just a PART of you. It's not the WHOLE
you. And the hockey fan, that's just PART of me, not the
WHOLE me. Let's start off new and get to know each other
better. And no, not in a puck bunny/player kind of way. As
friends, as soul mates. Can't you see how much I love you?
honey I cried so hard when I heard you were sick. Not
because there was the possibility of you never playing again
because of the offchance that I might lose you. can't you
see how hard that would be on me? I couldn't ever lose you.
I couldn't ever think of my life without you in it. Because
YOU are such a special person. So why won't you talk to me?
I want to talk to you but I don't want you to get the wrong
idea so for now, I think I'll just let you be. Honey, I hope
you realize how much you mean to me.

Current mood: paranoid
Current music: none