Infiniterocker

hello kitty cat
2001-11-13 17:25:06 (UTC)

Goddamn gothic music....prepair for my bitching the bottom is the only part you'll care to read if that...

So I'm in photo..same old. I don't have anything to do at
school today..I'm an aid next period ..and then I get to go
to art...and continue with my constant pattern of
NOTHINGNESS. I hate not being able to check my mail at
school..they should at least give you that...you know?
Mikenotdan just walked away...he was playing with my
hair..he was telling me that I didn't have split ends...and
it's like ...that's my life in school. Ack. This should be
over...If I didn't have to be here for attendance no one
would notice if I left. I'm not even sure how I'm getting
home today cause Alex isn't at school...Katy said that Aum
is going to drive me home but I haven't seen him here
either..maybe he didn't come to the courtyard before
school..I dunno. I really don't give a shit anyway..I'll
get home. I usually download MP3's this period..but I think
the school fucked with the system because it doesn't let me
download more than the first 10 secs of ANY MP3 so it
sucks. I thought it was because I had gone over my
space..so I deleted all my other MP3's only to fuck myself
in the end cause I can't get them back...It didn't fix
anything. I walked with Ian to the mailboxes
yesterday ...and we talked..he said he had talked to Yia
Yia and MOm...and that they had plane tickets to come down
here around Christmas..I don't want her to ruin my
Christmas...Mom that is..Logan and Jordan are coming
down..and I don't want her to fuck it up..I like those
fucking story book Christmas breaks with my brothers, my
Mother isn't going to come in and fuck it up. I want to
make cookies and buy them presents...I haven't seen Logan
and Jee Jee since the fight..and all that shit...and it was
terrible...The only problem with that is that Jim says he
doesn't ever want L and J to see my Dad again because he is
evil...so Sara might have to go to court and all that
shit...Christmas always ends up being shit. I was thinking
of the last 3 Xmas days...Last year we were alone..it was
Dad me and Ian. Sara had left. It was sad. Ian and Dad got
into a fight xmas eve...and so Dad and I went to
church..and I was upset..and I didn't know what to do. The
year before Logan and Jordan were there..we had JUST moved
here...and we left to go back to PA..Sara, Dad, Ian, Logan,
Jee Jee and I....we all went up Pine Creek..this is before
Dad decided that my Grandmother isn't his mother...they
were still talking then..bla bla I don't know why I'm
writing about this..it doesn't really matter at all. I
guess I'm just bored. I'm not even making sense. I hope I
don't see Candice today...I don't want to talk to her..I'm
avoiding everyone. Alex is pissy. I talked to her yesterday
and she was picking at everything I said. It's shit.
Sometimes I wonder if she woudl really be less assholish if
Shonee were here. She needs to get over the whole I'm
better than you thing. She's too concerned with how
intelligent she looks. Lee played some really shitty music
inthe car today. It was some chick trying to sound like
Joni Mitchell..and she barely even had a guitar behind
her..I don't have anything against folk music..I like some
of it..but I really usually dislike chick singers..and this
one sucks. It's cold and I'm tired. I want to go to
sleep...I would be asleep if there wasn't so much noise. I
don't understand how you can love me Jason..I really don't.
I'm confused. If I don't always say I love you it's just
because it's hard to say..you know that right? I just can't
sometimes...it's
like..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I need some sleep. I have not
gotten good sleep lately. This morning I woke up and wanted
you to be next to me...but instead Kitten attacked my
feet.ahhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm going to sleep OK
goodnight.