Claudia

once again
2001-11-13 08:57:33 (UTC)

eric

Okay dream expert...if you're reading this is the one I
need the most help on. I haven't thought of Eric Coppolo
in a long time. After all he was the man that wrecked my
car, played me and kept coming back after telling me that
he was no good for me and he knows he'll amount to nothing
and he doesn't want to hurt me. He was the one who almost
killed me in my own car and played mind games with me to
see what I would do. He left me and I moved on finally
with Shawn and then he completely harrased me over it. So
then why did I dream about him this morning? I was in my
car and I saw him walking up...he looked so tattered and
worn out. I was scared and I tried getting away but when I
sarted my car I forgot to let the ebrake down and he opened
the door. All he wanted was a ride and I was still scared
but I gave it to him. THen it jumped ahead a few days and
we were somehow back together and he was in Chicago living
because it's where I was. But we would go somewhere and
all we would talk about was how he did this to me or he did
that and it was like we were trying to work through it but
it made me more scared. It's hard to remember everything
exactly but that was the most important parts, I think. I
don't kno what to take of it. I woke up shortly after that
to the phone ringing and me hoping it was Shawn but no not
him. I didn't call him today at all. Will it go 2 weeks
without talking tohim again? I think I might see and find
out. I saw Robert today and things were going good. I was
happy to sehim, last night he said he missed me this
weekend. I cleaned his kitchen couldn't stand to see this
dishes and we made out a little then we went shopping.
When we were at the store his ex Nicole called. He said he
was done with her. I really don't have the right to be
pissed about it because look at me and Shawn. Only he sees
her alot and I don't see him. But I walked away to cough
and he asked why I did that. The last time she called I
had to be quiet. He said he doesn't wnat her anymore.
Thenhe told me he loved to be with me again but because I'm
20 it's stopping him. If I was 21 no problem but his ex
was 20 when they started going out and he won't go through
that again. I don't see how I am anything compared to that
but ohwell. She called again before I left his house and
he walked away to talk to her and He told her he loeved her
too. That was when I decided that distance will be made.
I'm not getting played again...I refuse it. THen he goes
on to tell me how sweet I am because I did the dishes and
sat around while he organized shit for work. When I didn't
have to. I said no problem, after all I'm only 20 and
nothing will come of any of this. So now I'm in a rut
again and I really don't think Shawn has his shit together
and I thought that Robert was making me happy but
apparently not. So, I think I'm going to wait for Jason to
decide he's done with Michigan (my on-line best friend) and
make him rescue me. He's a total sweetie and going through
what Shawn and I did a few months ago. But maybe I should
do what I said I would do, let things happen and not worry
but it causes stress and that cause me to freak. So I just
with the man I am truly in love with would grow the fuck up
and come be the man he needs to be. But wishful thinking
never got the cat his treat.




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