Boring boring boring- life's just one big motherfucking
wheel. Gawd- when am I going to be able to break from this
Class food homework sex more food more sex sleep class
food homework more food. . . .
Well the food and sex isn't bad- I'm always up for both.
But I feel like they're both some kind of escape. Escape
means indulgence, indulgence means guilty pleasure, guilty
pleasure means I better get my lazy ass back to school and
start working again.
One far off utopian day I'll be able to revell in a
completely hedonistic life without a single trace of guilt.
No feeling of shame of restlessness or anything.
I suppose I wouldn't be wishing for that if I was able to
lose myself in my work like I once was able to. I can't
anymore though; I don't get a chance to. Its a little hard
when one is jumping from one project to the next.
Everyone around me has blended into a uniform mush
devoid of any defining characteristics. People are just
the landscape of my shallow existance. I have this longing
to remove myself from my surroundings and go where noone
knows me, where I'll have to fend for myself. I guess I
have this romantic notion that everyone's life is their
odyssey. Their search for their own personal holy grail.
The adevntures they encounter, the people they meet, are
just there to enlighten them somehow, and once they've
learned from them all they can they move on and never look
Selfish and egocentric, true, but in a way it makes
sense. It's not right for one to live their life as the
background for someone elses'.
I'm certainly not on my way to finding my holy grail at
the moment. Its a little hard when you're stuck in a rut.
I don't even know its specific nature for Christ's sake.
Maybe finishing my homework will help me somehow (yeah