Just a guy

Logic of the Insane
2001-11-12 21:38:18 (UTC)


I have come to the sudden realization that none of my
friends, even my best friend Edward, truly know who I am.
When I came to this High School, I immediately started in
the Theater Team and so I am always joking and (trying)
being funny. However, after a short while this year, I am
noticing that anything I say is taken as a joke and all I
am to these people(my friends) is a jester that exists for
the sole purpose to entertain.
I get sad and depressed, I am human, but I have to
cover up these feelings with a smile and a joke and go
about making others feel better all the while my hurt is
being pushed down to the bottom of my soul where it will
eventually build up and become pressurized anger to the
point of explosion, but at least for now, no one will see
that I am hurting. . .
Maybe I am destined to be an entertainer all my life,
but when no one takes you seriously, how can you ever be
serious? I love to joke and make others feel better, but
what about me? I can't continue taking care of others pains
and concerns when I am having trouble myself, it has come
to the point that I am the lowest priority in my life. What
would my friends do if they heard this? That is the
question. . .but they will never hear it, because I will
never tell them, I tried as soon as I got this epiphany,
but even my closest friend, Edward, made a joke of it. And
I laughed and didn't say another word about it, how could
I. And my dad wonders why I am so passive when it comes to
making decisions. . .
So I will continue to live my life as an
entertainer, making others feel better, and always being
around if they should happen to be in need of a laugh,
meanwhile my heart yearns for Shelly and my situation grows
even more desperate each day, oh well. . .Till next time.