The Happier Life
2001-11-12 21:04:10 (UTC)

Back to the old me

Well things took a dramatic turn yesterday as well I was
talking to my girlfriend Lauren, who I love so dearly and I
hadn't talked to her in a while, I did not realize
something was wrong, but something was, it basically comes
down to God, she is very religous and I like that, because
that is what I need in my life, she introduced me to
Christianity, which I am so glad for, except well since we
have been together, both our lives have gone to hell and
back, and I literally mean that, yesterday we were talking
that maybe it has to do with the fact that we are so
secretive about our relationship, it hurts her alot because
she loves me so much that she can never let me go, so she
hurts herself and her soul by defying her parents, I do the
same but I hurt myself physically in that I sacrifice my
energy, health, so that I can be with her, basically we
love each other so much, and I never want to be seperated
from her ever, she is the only reason I live, I heard a
famous quote this weekend, " If you have nothing to die
for, you have nothing to live for either." that is so true
in the case of Lauren, she is the world to me and the only
reason I get up each day and live, and even try to do
things in my life, she gives me hope in that I can defeat
the impossible, beat all, you know... but basically I think
I might be losing her, well not losing her, I just need to
know when we are going to be together? but after our
conversation, I cut myself 5 times on my hand, which is
something I used to do when I was depressed, never done
that in a long time