My rather boring life
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2001-11-12 15:54:08 (UTC)

School and Paranoia

I'm going to have such a busy schedule next semester. I've
registered for 16 credit hours. 5 classes total: Engish,
Calculus, World History (ancient times to dark ages),
Global Studies (really cool class), and American
Government. The Philosophy class I wanted isn't available.
I think it's full or something. MTWF I have 3 classes each
day, Thursday I only have two. I went really heavy on
history and political science for next semester. That's
surprising. I'm a very math and sciency kind of gal. I'm
trying to get all my core classes out of the way. I still
don't know what my major will be, but I'll think of
something. The reason I stayed away from too much math or
science is
1. There are only so many math and science classes you can
take without having yet declared a major
2. I don't know if I want to major in a math, science, or
3. I went heavy on math and science this semester, may as
well go easy on it next

I had such a bad night last night. I couldn't sleep. I was
too scared to sleep. I scared myself. I have this big thing
about mirrors. Mirrors are bad. Don;t ask, they just are.
Anyway, I was getting up to turn off my heater and I
accidentally looked into the mirror. The only light I had
on in my room was the lamp by my computer. What's so bad
about that? Well, you're not supposed to look into mirrors
in candle light because your soul could become trapped in
the mirror. My lamp is about as dull as a candle. To make
that worse, it was about 11PM. It was dark. I don't like
the dark. Bad things happen in the dark. Really bad things
happen when you look into a mirror when it's dark. I had
this nagging feeling all friggin night that something was
behind me, but I was too scared to look. Paranoia sucks.
You can laugh all you want about me still being afraid of
the dark and stuff, but I wouldn't appreciate that very
much. It's not funny. It's not funny to lose sleep over
fear. I simply refused to sleep for a very long time
because I was afraid I'd have nightmares. I don't know
what's worse, my paranoia or my nightmares. I have such
horrible horrible dreams. I have the kind of dreams that
make you wish that dreams were just things that didn't mean
anything. That dreams weren't meant to be interpreted. I
wonder if my head is fucked up or something. I don't know
about you, but I don't think there are too many people in
the world who are just as or even more paranoid than I am.
Nah, I don;t think my head is fucked up. I'm just being
childish. I dunno. I'll ask Bill. Yes. I will leave it to
the professionals.

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