November 13, 2000 11:00pm Dear..
November 13, 2000 11:00pm
ok i was on the phone with saw.... saw asked me out again.... i told
him i dont know... than i went and i called chris and chris is like i
dont even like u... i love chris. ive never felt this way about
anyone before. so i tell chris that i might as well say yes to saw
since chris doesnt like me... well i switch over to tell saw to hold
on. than i switch over to chris and im like i dont know what to do,
and he's like just go out with saw. and im like i might as well.. i
mean u dont even like me.. and than chris says that he is joking.. so
im like ok its cool... and than like we both didnt say anything. and
i was like why arent u talkiung to me... and he's like i dont know.
and than my lil brother has to use the phone so i tell chris to call
me back in like 15 minutes... as usual he doesnt. so i call him back
@ like 9:47 and no1 answers.. so than i call him back like 5 minutes
lata and someone picks up and than hangs up and im like w/e ill just
call back lata... i went and wrote chris how i feel.i feel.... i feel
like he doesnt love me... i feel like he doesnt even care about me...
i feel like i always do soemhting wrong... i feel like he hates
me....so i call him back again and someone picks up and hangs up...
so by than im like ok he doesnt care @ all... its like he doesnt even
give a shit about me ya know? i dont know. i start to cry just by
thinking that he doesnt love me.. it feels like he doesnt like me @
all. i dont know what to do.. i feel pathetic did i do somehting
wrong? did i make chris hate me?i love him. i dont know if he feels
the same way. i mean i would understand if he didnt cuz im not a very
loveable person but still i dont know what i did.im sorry i know im
over reacting and normaly i wouldnt... its just i dont know. i
wouldnt act like this.. if it was someone i didnt care about so much.
but i care about him so much. and i shouldnt. and i dont want to be
hopelessly in love with him. but i am and its terrible.when u find
someone that u love u cant just get over them.. no matter how much u
want to... no matter how much u need to... u just cant and ive never
actually been in love before but i think what i feel for chris can be
nothing but love. do u think chris loves me? there are times when we
seem so connected that i know that he deos. but than there are tiomes
like tonight when i feel like he doesnt. i am hoping that chris does
love me.. cuz if he doesnt. i dont know what i would do.