Watch Me Fall
2001-11-11 23:53:24 (UTC)


Wow, Sundays sure are not very fun. I slept until 1 and
then just sat around and visited with family..and now I
have to get ready to go babysit..great.
The weirdest thing happenned this morning. For the first
time since the incident on Friday,I woke up feeling really
upset. I was fine Friday night. I was fine Saturday
morning,i was even fine last night..but this morning,I just
felt it in me as soon as I opened my eyes. No matter what
words were exchanged,I still can't settle with the fact
that it was just a "misunderstanding." I still feel
used,and it keeps getting worse as I think about it. I
guess some ppl are trying to play it off as an
exaggeration,but that isn't what it was. When you say
something that you don't completely mean, then it is a lie.
God, it's the furthest thing from my mind,and yet it's
completely consuming. I think it's just the memory that is
tearing me up. I like to remember the things that were
ok,and think about them constantly so that they erase all
the horrible shit ive been thru this weekend. IT just isnt
working,it's making me feel even more like trash. People
keep trying ot make excuses for him,and search for some
loophole that will make him seem less guilty. Well,there
just isn't one. It all comes down to that general
kindergarden rule:Treat others the way you want to be
treated. Which then,branches off into.."dont say shit you
dont mean" I feel completely broken and exhausted.
Jesus,nothing helps. What a terrible feeling. What a
terrible weekend. I hope this fades out by tomorrow. It

Song of the Moment: Turpentine Chaser,Dashboard Confessional