Full of Secrets
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2001-11-11 20:30:45 (UTC)


Today Will got me kinda mad. I had just made a webpage and
I showed it to him. He said it was strange and I asked why
and he didn't answer he just logged-off or blocked me. I
hope not, he's the only one that will really talk to me. Well I
do talk to Vanja but he's not online alot. I don't really
have many friends at school to talk to. Alot of people
think I'm too hyper. I just wish that once someone would
try to understand me but not in this day&age. It's just so
unfair! I'm started to write a dairy so i can let my feelings out.
I'm just so frusturated, noone under stands me! I'm thinking of going
up to this guy that's in my lunch period (he sits all alone). I think
I just want to become friends with him. He also looks like he needs
someone to talk to, like me. I would hate not having anyone to talk
to. All I have is just a couple of friends over the internet to talk
to but atleast I have that. If I could have just one wish it would be
that we never moved from Texas. I hate it up here even though I will
never tell my parents that. In Texas I had two great friends and now
I have a couple of friends and I wouldn't call them great. Sometimes
they make fun of me infront of other people then later say they were
kidding. And they hardly ever have time for me. Rachel is a really
good friend but she's a year yonger than me so I don't see her alot.
We also don't know alot of the same people. I know others have
problems probably more important than mine but I still think they're
important and they aren't going to go away. I just want to cry, and
cry, and cry untill my eyes fall out. And I also want a boyfriend
real bad. I know poeple say I'm too young but I don't think so. I've
never really even had one. I did 'go-out' with this one guy Caleb.
BUt he really didn't like me I think he was just using me, and he was
embarresed to be seen with me. I've also went out with two people
over the internet. But that's not really a relationship. I just need
somebody to hold. I need to be loved and have someone to obsess over.
I just need that for myself. But I also don't even have a crush on
anyone. All the guys in my school are SOO imature. I just wish that
someone new would come into the picture and see me for who I am. And
i just wish that I could meet someone who was nice and mature and was
smart. But I guess that's too much to ask for. AND DAMN IT THIS
STUPID FEELING WONT GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't say what feeling, it
wouldn't be right. I'm just so bored with my life. But I can't wait
intill Dec.19. We're going to Texas to visit! I CAN'T WAIT!! I'm just
dieing to see Amber. I haven't seen her in over 3 years!! She's
probably chanced so much. My mom keeps telling me so have I. But I
don't believe her. I have changed from a total Tom-boy to like
actually A GIRL! But I still don't like wearing dresses (YUCK!)