Squeeb's world
2001-11-11 19:32:47 (UTC)

What's up with that?

K, here go my insecurities again. Amazingly enough, they're
not about my S at the moment- wow! (= They're not about Kim
either- another wow! No, they're about Jess. Lately I feel
like she's pulling more and more away from me. She tells me
nothing about her life (oh there be S signed in- he can talk
to me if he wants, I ain't bugging him- we'll see how this
insecurity goes). Anyways she never calls me, never writes
me, I don't even know if she has email anymore. So every
once in awhile I call her up just to see what's going on in
her life. Seems fair, right? I mean I care about her. I
wanna know what's going on in her life. However she rarely
says anything. Now there's a new guy at her place almost all
the time- he's answered the past several times I've called
so I'm assuming they're together but she never told me
anything. So today I thought I would call her and let her
know about the whole S-situation- speaking of which- why
won't buddy-boy talk to me? and see how she was doing and
when I dialed her number the operator said that that number
is no longer in service- what's up with that? So, she
doesn't tell me that she movd or something? Or is her phone
just out of service? I dunno. I haven't talked to her in
like a month and she promised she'd call me. Grrr. I thought
we were supposed to be best friends! And at the same time, I
can't help but feel responsible. Maybe she's jealous because
of my closeness to Kim? Not that she has any right to be.
They're both my best friends. Yes, I admit I tend to share
stuff with Kim more but can you blame me with how distant
Jess has been lately? Oh geez. It makes me sad though
because I really don't want to lose her friendship- we've
been the best of friends since the 8th grade. We've
weathered so many storms. The Rob-thing, the Ben-thing,
being away from each other... and now she goes all distant?
It just doesn't make sense.
There's another thing- he just went off- so does that
give credence to my insecurities? Or did he just not have
time to talk or what? Or maybe he didn't see me online? I
just don't want to get all pessimistic and think that he
didn't talk to me because he didn't WANT to talk to me. That
thought hurts WAY too much. But then it all goes back to- if
he didn't want to talk to me, why would he add me to his
friends list in the first place?! Smarten up!

Current mood: insecure
Current music: "He'll Never Be (What I Used to Be to you)-
98 Degrees