lilith.

dedoubledidentifiedschizophrenia~
2001-11-11 14:29:24 (UTC)

monosyllabic emails

ok im gonna be honest here.

for the past hours ive been like trying to decipher what is
goin on.
i mean last thurs dy sms me.. i think i was asleep, so im
not too sure whether i replied back.. well yeah, been a
while since i mentioned here cept for those of u who noes
all the double meanins in my previous enntries.

im scared. is she gonna say something that is good or bad?
i mean things nowadays are so unpredictable. its like u get
knocked down andget ur pelvic bone crashed and next thing u
noe, ur in hospital. its as unpredictable as dat.

its like i take a whole lot of time tryin to come up with a
few words.. im trying to sound neutral. i mean ya, if i
were to unleash myself then itd all be hazardous. jesus.
its just goin on on on in my mind. im havin all dis really
scary thots. i noe not why.

im not dreamin for a hero but i dont want to be de
receiving end still..

why cant things ever be normal? why cant i just say
like "hey u drank milk today? i mean yeah, milk is good coz
its got a lot of calcium and u noe, we are growing up and
we need calcium.. yada yada.." wouldnt dat be nicer den
monosyllabic emails.

im just so scared. i dont want to get hit down again. self
esteem nil. self confidence nil. what is wrong with me. im
demoralised and demolished.

im just so scared. thats all i noe.

-lith sunday 111101 2243hrs


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